People are clamoring for the scalp of the Washington football Redskins. They want the “Redskins” to cease being the “Redskins“ They want to change the team’s identity!
It’s because everyone thinks that “Redskins” is a derogatory racial slur referring to skin color and bigotry. But actually, “Redskins” refers to the color of paint that certain Indians located in what is now Newfoundland used to paint their bodies--it was red. It’s as simple as that!
This red color would be flashing quite boldly during wartime, giving them a spectacular aura! Settlers called this particular Indian tribe--the Beothuk--“Red Indians” for the lavish body painting. As that noble tribe is now extinct, sports teams such as the Washington football Redskins may be seen as doing honor to the Beothuk--preserving their memory!
When that National Football League (NFL) franchise in the 1930’s, then in Boston, took the name “Redsins”, it’s likely that the impression they wanted to make was one of toughness and prowess on the field of battle. Note the prominent use over the years of a spear in the team’s logos and on their helmets--hardly pejorative!
Back in the day, it wouldn’t have made sense to call a particular tribe the “Red Indians” if all Indians were already considered “red.” It would have been redundant. In fact, all Indians weren’t as a rule referred to as “red” or “redskin” or “red anything”. That’s more recent.
In lieu of name-changing, the Redskins could be encouraged to refine their image by making the Indian’s appearance on the team logo more realistic--a lighter skin tone matching that (estimated) of the Beothuk Indians, and highlights of a bright brilliant red pigment applied as best as we can tell they did.
Proud Redskins owner Dan Snyder can say it was all one big misunderstanding. Problem solved. Game Over. Now if winning some real games was as easy!
Sources:
The Quebec History Encyclopedia
The Smithsonian Book of North American Indians
Wikipedia--Washington Redskins
Showing posts with label sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sports. Show all posts
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
HOCKEY RUINED BY TOO MANY BLOCKED SHOTS (by anyone other than the goalie)
The annual Washington Capitals playoff disappointment has drawn the accustomed debate over how, and how much the team and/or their front office ought to be shaken up.
One recurrent complaint is that the team’s freewheeling, aggressive offensive style of play, which is rather effective in the regular season, fails in the playoffs because the opposing defenses play harder.
Rather than accept this compatibility problem, it’s possible to take a more aggressive strategy. The Capitals should push to have the National Hockey rules modified, or clarified, to address the tactics other teams are using on defense. Theses tactics include sprawling in front of shooters to block the shot.
The risk vs. potential payout ratio for this behavior is too high for defenders during most regular season contests. But with so much at stake in the Stanley Cup playoffs, it’s like you’ve got multiple goalies out there. Imagine if during the Major league Baseball Playoffs and World Series, the position players all started pitching from various locations--it would be pure chaos. Extreme defense trumps a good offense.
That’s an angle the Capitals--and anybody who really appreciates the aesthetics of good sport--could take in arguing their point. Surely the official rules of hockey forbid teams from having more than one goaltender on the ice at anytime. These players who are using their bodies as human shields are de facto part-time goalies.
Do soccer rules permit any player other than the goalkeeper to use their hands to deflect shots on-goal? Of course not! It’s time for hockey officials to review the rulebook and take some appropriate action. A player who goes to the ground of his own accord so as to block a potential shot on goal ought to be penalized.
Goaltending should be for goaltenders only. Sliding proponents might say that we shouldn’t restrict the movement of a player and that it’s not fair to do so since it punishes those who are good at it. My reply is that someone being good at cheating doesn’t excuse it. If a soccer player trips up the one with the ball it’s a foul--no question.
If laying down to block shots is OK, someone ought to bring out a pair of Sumo wrestlers. Together they should be able to effectively seal a 4’ x 6’ hockey net--one is the goalie, the other a defenseman. You could skate 4-on-5 and never lose.
They'd have to change the rules!
One recurrent complaint is that the team’s freewheeling, aggressive offensive style of play, which is rather effective in the regular season, fails in the playoffs because the opposing defenses play harder.
Rather than accept this compatibility problem, it’s possible to take a more aggressive strategy. The Capitals should push to have the National Hockey rules modified, or clarified, to address the tactics other teams are using on defense. Theses tactics include sprawling in front of shooters to block the shot.
The risk vs. potential payout ratio for this behavior is too high for defenders during most regular season contests. But with so much at stake in the Stanley Cup playoffs, it’s like you’ve got multiple goalies out there. Imagine if during the Major league Baseball Playoffs and World Series, the position players all started pitching from various locations--it would be pure chaos. Extreme defense trumps a good offense.
That’s an angle the Capitals--and anybody who really appreciates the aesthetics of good sport--could take in arguing their point. Surely the official rules of hockey forbid teams from having more than one goaltender on the ice at anytime. These players who are using their bodies as human shields are de facto part-time goalies.
Do soccer rules permit any player other than the goalkeeper to use their hands to deflect shots on-goal? Of course not! It’s time for hockey officials to review the rulebook and take some appropriate action. A player who goes to the ground of his own accord so as to block a potential shot on goal ought to be penalized.
Goaltending should be for goaltenders only. Sliding proponents might say that we shouldn’t restrict the movement of a player and that it’s not fair to do so since it punishes those who are good at it. My reply is that someone being good at cheating doesn’t excuse it. If a soccer player trips up the one with the ball it’s a foul--no question.
If laying down to block shots is OK, someone ought to bring out a pair of Sumo wrestlers. Together they should be able to effectively seal a 4’ x 6’ hockey net--one is the goalie, the other a defenseman. You could skate 4-on-5 and never lose.
They'd have to change the rules!
Friday, April 19, 2013
BOSTON MARATHON HUNT: NO SHORTCUTS ALLOWED
The authorities tonight finally captured suspect #2 in the Boston Marathon Bombings. They credited a tip from the Franklin Street resident and owner of the boat on the property where the suspect had holed-up nursing his wounds. This man had seen the blood at the boat site and reportedly saw the stowaway suspect there, too. It isn’t clear whether the suspect saw him back, and if so, why he didn’t flee at once. Perhaps he was too weak from blood loss.
The cops already were pretty sure they had drawn blood at the scene of a shootout the night before less than a mile away. There was a spattering of blood at the location where the suspect had abandoned his stolen car after driving it away from that shootout. So it’s pretty likely there was a trail of blood that could have been used to track the suspect overnight. A trained bloodhound could have easily followed that blood to wherever the suspect had gone.
But rather than employ a dog to do what they do so well, the authorities went about the time-consuming chore of going door-to-door within a specific radius which, as it turned out, wasn’t quite long enough to ensnare the suspect. The dog would have trailed the suspect afoot even until the last drop of blood fell from his body, if necessary.
If the suspect had been able to stanch the outpouring of blood sufficiently to create a gap in the path, by afternoon the authorities should have been able to present the dog with an overall scent profile--like a dirty sock or undershirt--of the suspect since by then they’d accessed his apartment. Or the dog could have just gone on body scent that accompanied the blood--and/or from the car.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
PONDering Tiger Woods' Performance at Water Hazard
People arguing about Tiger Woods’ misadventure on the 15th hole Friday at the US Masters golf tournament in Augusta, Georgia, ought to get straight about how many strokes Woods was actually penalized.
His first stroke bounced off the flagstick into the water.
His second stroke was a phantom one allowing Tiger to effectively pick the ball up and place it on dry land. Sine the ball is generally lost in the water hazard, the player simply drops a fresh ball approximately where on the coast the original ball went into the water or at some other designated spot. This is often referred to as a penalty stroke but it actually is a courtesy enabling the golfer to stay dry.
His third stroke was the one he hit from the shoreline onto the green.
His fourth stroke was the putt he drilled into the hole.
Now it gets interesting.
His fifth stroke was assessed to him for the amount (one stroke) he was estimated to have benefited from his misdeed---which was dropping the ball slightly beyond the range designated. Tiger himself has said that his placing the ball thusly enabled him to chip the ball within relatively easy one-putt distance. So he had saved himself one stroke by cheating--that needed to be taken away.
That leaves the imaginary sixth stroke as the one-shot penalty--for turning in a false report, i.e a card on which he does not penalize himself 1 stroke for dropping the ball in the wrong place.
Tiger turned in a card with a 4 on the 15th hole. If the Masters officials had approached Tiger before he turned in his card and he had corrected it--to a 5, he would have spared himself the penalty for turning in a bad card, but would still have been penalized for committing the drop infraction in the first place. And so by making Woods’ score a 6, he is being punished for overlooking his offense.
Masreers officials may characterize the assessment of strokes somewhat differently, but the above analysis is probably a decent analysis of the thinking that weent into their decision.
Monday, April 1, 2013
TAI CHI & BASEBALL PITCHER
The major league baseball season starts today--April Fools' Day. And if the 2013 World Series goes the distance, Game 7 will be on Halloween....
In the meantime, a profound similarity has been observed in the athletic forms used by American baseball pitchers and those utilized by practitioners of the Asian-based athletic discipline tai chi.
While taking 10-form integral tai chi lessons at a community center in Fairfax, VA some of the tai chi movements were easier for me to learn than others. They seemed familiar--kind of a déjà vu feeling. Then I realized that I was tapping into muscle memories from years ago on the high school pitching mound.
Continuing my lessons, I’ve been amazed at the number of common motions encountered. Baseball pitching is a “spring coil release” type of movement while tai chi is considered “self defense redirect”, so there’s no inherent reason for the resemblance.
Tai chi began in Asia about a thousand years ago, whereas baseball originated in America a mere 250-or-so years ago. There is nothing historically indicating any notable influence of either one upon the other.
It hoped that this startling similarity will contribute to greater cross-cultural awareness, and could have implications in fields like robotics.
Here are the tai chi forms I’ve discerned approximated in the traditional baseball pitcher’s windup (animal names, in sequential order): Buffalo (reverse), Earth, Buffalo, Turtle, Phoenix, Frog (reverse), Crane, Phoenix (again), Tiger, Butterfly. Component slices of the forms are used in constructing this hybrid form.
Many baseball fans in 2013 have never seen a pitcher begin by raising both arms overhead and clasping the hands --something found in tai chi’s toad and tiger forms. But just forty years or so ago, elaborate windup styles--as evinced by such greats as Bob Gibson, Tom Seaver and Vida Blue--were commonplace.
And sixty years ago, the style in vogue was even more extended, as pitchers like ace Bob Feller started off with a swinging back-and-forth of the arms. That movement corresponds to elements of the turtle and buffalo tai chi forms. The present era tendency towards abbreviation of pitching motion may simply amount to trimming some fat. But note the prevalence of arm injury among current throwers.
Some movement analysts have recommended that pitchers incorporate tai chi into their training routine because research has shown it improve balances--obviously a key component in pitching since the player is standing on one leg or the other for most of the delivery while doing a lot of maneuvering around--as in the tai chi form for the crane. And when a pitcher drops his hands from overhead down to waist level, it resembles a component of the reverse toad form.
The most-photographed point in the pitching delivery is when the pitcher’s throwing arm is cocked back while striding forward. This posture is nearly a mirror image of the pose of the phoenix in tai chi.
The release and follow-through movements bear some resemblance to elements of the tiger and butterfly forms of 10-form integral tai chi--the one I‘ve been studying, although a bit of a stretch since the hands move together in them--which clearly doesn’t occur in this section of the pitching motion. However, broadening out to other 10-form tai chi styles on you tube, I did find some movements more like throwing.
So it may be possible to cover the entire pitching delivery via tai chi. A good editor could probably splice together a nice video. To further demonstrate this similarity, a researcher could get some serious tai chi students who have little knowledge of baseball and teach them pitching motion strictly by tai chi. Call it an extended hybrid or composite form. Video that routine and present it to the general public. Ask them what they think it is. Make sure students are diverse and neutrally clothed--not all wearing baseball caps so as not to lead the audience.
See how many of them see a baseball pitcher’s motion.
Check out some good examples of tai chi forms and baseball pitchers on my you tube playlist “Tai Chi & Baseball Pitching.” and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Includes archival pitching footage of Walter Johnson (1920s), Dizzy Dean (1930s) and Feller (1940s), along with Koufax, Gibson and Seaver (1960s to ‘70s).
Happy April Fools' Day, y/all!
GET OUTTA MY WAY--IT'S APRIL FOOLS' DAY !!
Basketball Rules
Charging fouls are too prevalent, and inhibit the smooth flow of the game. They penalize the
player who drives to the basket--reducing point totals. It’s not fair for a player to make a strong move to the net only to have it ruined by someone who jumps in front--like a street bum hopping in front of a car for a payoff--it’s demeaning.
And how is the driver/shooter supposed to avoid contact? The rule should be modified so that once the player with the ball en route to the basket leaves his feet you cannot get a charge call for defenders who are not already in place. If a defender is set in the path of the driver before he takes off it could be an offensive foul if contact occurs while the driver is ascending, and a no-call if contact occurs while the driver is descending. But defenders who pop out in front of the basket while the driver is in the air deserve to be mowed down like bowling pins.
What’s a guy supposed to do when he’s flying in the air and some hotshot moron steps onto his landing strip? A collision is unavoidable, and it’s the defender’s fault. It isn’t good athleticism to hamstring great leapers.
Addendum 4/6/13
Undercutting the Game
I’m not going to say “I told you so”, but the bad charging call by an NCAA official in the closing seconds of tonight’s basketball game between Syracuse and Michigan likely cost Syracuse a berth in the championship game. These charging fouls are having way too much influence on the outcomes of big games! The whole spectacle of defenders “taking the charge” and dramatically flopping about is a perversion of good sportsmanship! Hey, if you can’t take the heat of the game inside the lane, you can just stick to the perimeter!
Many years ago, it took a Final Four travesty display by North Carolina’s team--of stalling the game once they got ahead--to compel the insertion of the shot clock. Hopefully there will be a reform of the charge call now, too.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
TEAM NICKNAME IDEAS
Here is a list of potential team nicknames I've come up with in my spare time. It's alphabetical--mostly cities, some states and regions. Feel free to use them in your hometown.
TEAM NICKNAMES
Aberdeen Barnstormers, Burdensome, Abracadabra
Akron Squadron, Acrobats, Acorns, Acrid
Albany Invaders, Banes
Albuquerque Altimeters, Armadillos, Turkeys
Anaheim Anacondas, Emeralds
Anchorage Anger, Aurora, Roarers, Courageous, Anchovies
Arlington Aardvarks, Accordions, Ardor, Harlequins, All-In-Ones
Asheville Phoenix, Duster Uppers
Atlanta Atlas, Ad Libbers, Antidote, Altimeters, Attitude, Elevators, Atlantians
Atlantic City High Rollers, Albatross, Atlas, Boardwalkers
Austin Power, Bats, Tin Men, Plenty
Baltimore Battalion, Bald Eagles, Tenors, Torreadors, Big Score, Baritones
Bangor Aurora Borealis, Bangers
Barre Chords, Berets
Baton Rouge Twirling Dervishes, Battering Rams
Billings Paid In Full
Biloxie Billy Clubs, Foxy
Birmingham Jackhammers, Battering Rams, Bird Baths, Porcine Dynasty
Boise Noisy, Joy Spree, Boisterous
Boston Tea Tossers, Bistros, Best Sellers, Bounty Hunters, Bosses, Bustier Busters
Boulder Tossers
Bowling Green Pin Strikers
Buffalo Blizzard, Big Herd, Baffling Barristers, Beefcake
Burlington Burly Bears, Burlesque
Butte Beautes, Brutes, Beauties, Buglers
California Caliente, Caldron
Calgary Kaleidoscope
Charleston Charleston, Tango
Charlotte Web, Charlatans, Charaders
Charlottesville Charlatans, Chanteuses
Chattanooga Choo Choos, Chatterboxes
Cheyenne Extroverts
Chicago Supercolliders, Chivalry, Chickadees, Chic, Go Getters
Cincinnati Synapses, Invincible, Slammers, Sine qua Nons, Sensationals
Cleveland Cliffhangers, Cloudbursts, Class Acts, Cliff Climbers, Leapers, Ringleaders
Columbus Landlubbers
Compton Copters
Concord Conquerors, Convoy, Conifers, Accordions,
Corpus Christi Cormorants
Dakota Decoders, Nova, Code Breakers
Dartmouth Bullseye
Dallas Malice, Dahlias, Vortex, Delight, Dazzlers, Dalmations
DC Go Go, Shredders, Policy, Diplomacy, Statesmen, Agenda, Nexus
DelMarVa Avocets, Dalmations, Marvels, Marvelous
Denver Moguls, Adrenaline, Dynamic
Des Plains Boss De Plane
Detroit Rhythm, Destroyers
Dover Dovetailers, Rovers, Plovers
Dumfries Dunbfounders
Dubuque Debutantes, Ubiquitous
Duluth Truth
Edmonton Edge, Eddy, Eddies
El Paso Elegance, Elvises, Pastels
Eugene Genies
Fairbanks Tellers, Snowbanks
Fargo Farmers, Detectives
Florence Nightingales, Florals
Fort Worth Mirth, Fortuitous, Forte, Enforcers
Fort Wayne Johns, Fortuitous, Forte
Freehold Freedom Fighters, Stranglehold
Fresno Frenzy, Frescoes
Garfield Gargoyle
Georgia Gorgeous, Gorgers, Peachy Keens, Gargoyles
Gothem Golem
Green Bay Grief Strickeners, Green Rays
Greenwich Mean Streak
Halifax Machines
Harlem Harbingers, Harlequins, Jazz
Hartford Hard Liners, Heart Breakers, HeartThrob
Haverford Havoc Wreakers
Helena Hook & Ladder
Harpers Ferry Harpsichords
Honolulu Bon Bons, Lunatics, Holiday, Hullaballoos, Honey Bees, Hip Huggers
Houston Who's Who
Indianapolis Invaders, Indubitable, Bonaparte Sleepwalkers
Iowa Primary, Eye Openers, Corn Stalkers
Jackson Five, Action
Jacksonville Jackpots, Jackhammers, Jackrabbits, Jack-Booted Thugs
Jersey Egress, Egrets,
Kansas City Twisters, Can Cans, Sassies
KC Oz
Kearn(e)y Carnival, Carnations
Las Vegas Dice, Aces, Vegans, Lounge Lizards, Flash, Lhasa Apsas, Glitz
LA Freeway, Glitz, Elegance
Little Rock Big Rollers
Lexington Elixir, Stretch Runnerts
Los Angeles Scene, Lhasa Apsas, "A" List, Bodacious
Louisville Lip Loops
Lynchburg Lynchpins
Macon Magnets
Madison Maximum, Dollies
Maine Domain
Manhattan Essence, Mad Hatters
Manitoba Minotaurs
Martha's Vineyard Designer Corkscrews
Massachusetts Mish Mashers, Masqueradors
Maryland Marionettes, Marigolds
Memphis Philosopher Kings, Emphasis, Tempo
Miami Might, Maelstrom, Coral Glories
Milwaukee Talkies, Milkmen
Minneapolis Maulers, Miniskirts, Squall, Man Hunt
Mobile Homes, Shields
Modesto Destroyers, Devastators, Mad Dogs
Montreal Monsters, Full Monty, For One and One For All
Nags Head Swell
Nantucket Gannets
Narragansett Gannets, Sonnets, Epic Sunsets, Dynamic
Nashville Elvises, Warblers
Nebraska Ascots
New Orleans Mardi, Jazz Jammers
New York Corks, Fashion, Cork Poppers, Intrigue
Niagara Falls Barrel Jumpers, Exhilaration
Norfolk Navigators
North Dakota Nova, Supernova
Northern Virginia Supernova, Virtuosos
Oakland Omen, Ogres, Okra, Auklet, There, Oaks
Oklahoma City Octave Jumpers, Locomotives
Orlando Orchestrators, Obliterators
Oswego Swagger
Ottawa Automatons
Philadelphia Freedom, Flavor, Phalaropes, Bell Ringers
Phoenix Fiends, Phoenix, Phoebes, Femme Fatales, Risers, Phalanx
Piedmont Pied Pipers
Pierre Fresh, Pirouetters
Pittsburgh Tar Babies, Hard Hats, Pastels, Posterior Kickers
Portland Portenders, Dock Sopranos
Powhatan Powerhouse
Quebec Caribou
Raleigh Rally
Reno Keno
Richmond Thunder
Rochester Bustiers, Rock Stars
Sacramento Soccer Moms
Saint Louis Sensationals, Sabertooths, Arch
Salt Lake City Taste Buds
San Andreas Fault Finders
San Antonio Sandstorms, Forget-Me-Nots
San Francisco Sirens, Romance, Frantic, Wiz Kids, Frescoes
San Diego Sanderlings, Sand Dollars, Sandpipers, Cinderellas, Serendipitous
Savannah Savants, Whites
Seattle Sea Breeze, Seafarers, Rattlers, Sirens
Shreveport Banshees
Silicon Valley Cyberboppers
Sioux City Somersaulters, Sunbeams
SoBe Its
SoHo Lofts
Spokane Exclamation
Springfield (VA) Ramps
Stamford Stompers
Tacoma Tachymeters, Berenices
Tallahassee Lassies
Tampa Lamprey, Vamps, Temper, Tantrum, Rampage
Teaneck Brunch Stranglers
Texas Vortex, Jet Setters, Extraordinaires, Vixen
Toledo Leaders
Toronto Torrent, Tarantulas, Tremendous, Ruddy Turnstones, Tormenters,
Trenton Trendsetters, Tremendous
Tuscon Saguaros, Sonnets, Tunes, Irony, Ironic
Tulsa Ultimate, Ultimas, Tusslers
Vancouver Vamps, Beaufort, Wood Carvers
Virginia Geniuses, Vireos, Avocets
Warrenton Warlords, Warlocks, Warblers
Washington Warblers, Will Imposers, Policy, Diplomacy, Statesmen, Flourish, Nexus
Waterloo Loons, Walruses, Lulus, Water Lilies, Lollipop Lickers, Waterloos
Wichita Wings, Wit Patrol, Wishbones
Wilmington Willets, Waders
Winnipeg Wigwams, Whimbrels
Team combos
Dallas Malice + Dahlias = Dahlmals
Fort Worth Fortuitous + Mirth = FunLucks
Georgia Gorgers + Georgeous = Hot 'n' Heavies
Indianapolis Napoleons + No Naps = Bonaparte Sleepwalkers
Minneapolis Maulers + Minis(kirts) = MiniMalls
New York Corks + Fashion = GlamBallers
Pierre Fresh + Pirouetters = Fresh Legs
San Diego Sand Dollars + Cinderellas = SlipStars
TEAM NICKNAMES
Aberdeen Barnstormers, Burdensome, Abracadabra
Akron Squadron, Acrobats, Acorns, Acrid
Albany Invaders, Banes
Albuquerque Altimeters, Armadillos, Turkeys
Anaheim Anacondas, Emeralds
Anchorage Anger, Aurora, Roarers, Courageous, Anchovies
Arlington Aardvarks, Accordions, Ardor, Harlequins, All-In-Ones
Asheville Phoenix, Duster Uppers
Atlanta Atlas, Ad Libbers, Antidote, Altimeters, Attitude, Elevators, Atlantians
Atlantic City High Rollers, Albatross, Atlas, Boardwalkers
Austin Power, Bats, Tin Men, Plenty
Baltimore Battalion, Bald Eagles, Tenors, Torreadors, Big Score, Baritones
Bangor Aurora Borealis, Bangers
Barre Chords, Berets
Baton Rouge Twirling Dervishes, Battering Rams
Billings Paid In Full
Biloxie Billy Clubs, Foxy
Birmingham Jackhammers, Battering Rams, Bird Baths, Porcine Dynasty
Boise Noisy, Joy Spree, Boisterous
Boston Tea Tossers, Bistros, Best Sellers, Bounty Hunters, Bosses, Bustier Busters
Boulder Tossers
Bowling Green Pin Strikers
Buffalo Blizzard, Big Herd, Baffling Barristers, Beefcake
Burlington Burly Bears, Burlesque
Butte Beautes, Brutes, Beauties, Buglers
California Caliente, Caldron
Calgary Kaleidoscope
Charleston Charleston, Tango
Charlotte Web, Charlatans, Charaders
Charlottesville Charlatans, Chanteuses
Chattanooga Choo Choos, Chatterboxes
Cheyenne Extroverts
Chicago Supercolliders, Chivalry, Chickadees, Chic, Go Getters
Cincinnati Synapses, Invincible, Slammers, Sine qua Nons, Sensationals
Cleveland Cliffhangers, Cloudbursts, Class Acts, Cliff Climbers, Leapers, Ringleaders
Columbus Landlubbers
Compton Copters
Concord Conquerors, Convoy, Conifers, Accordions,
Corpus Christi Cormorants
Dakota Decoders, Nova, Code Breakers
Dartmouth Bullseye
Dallas Malice, Dahlias, Vortex, Delight, Dazzlers, Dalmations
DC Go Go, Shredders, Policy, Diplomacy, Statesmen, Agenda, Nexus
DelMarVa Avocets, Dalmations, Marvels, Marvelous
Denver Moguls, Adrenaline, Dynamic
Des Plains Boss De Plane
Detroit Rhythm, Destroyers
Dover Dovetailers, Rovers, Plovers
Dumfries Dunbfounders
Dubuque Debutantes, Ubiquitous
Duluth Truth
Edmonton Edge, Eddy, Eddies
El Paso Elegance, Elvises, Pastels
Eugene Genies
Fairbanks Tellers, Snowbanks
Fargo Farmers, Detectives
Florence Nightingales, Florals
Fort Worth Mirth, Fortuitous, Forte, Enforcers
Fort Wayne Johns, Fortuitous, Forte
Freehold Freedom Fighters, Stranglehold
Fresno Frenzy, Frescoes
Garfield Gargoyle
Georgia Gorgeous, Gorgers, Peachy Keens, Gargoyles
Gothem Golem
Green Bay Grief Strickeners, Green Rays
Greenwich Mean Streak
Halifax Machines
Harlem Harbingers, Harlequins, Jazz
Hartford Hard Liners, Heart Breakers, HeartThrob
Haverford Havoc Wreakers
Helena Hook & Ladder
Harpers Ferry Harpsichords
Honolulu Bon Bons, Lunatics, Holiday, Hullaballoos, Honey Bees, Hip Huggers
Houston Who's Who
Indianapolis Invaders, Indubitable, Bonaparte Sleepwalkers
Iowa Primary, Eye Openers, Corn Stalkers
Jackson Five, Action
Jacksonville Jackpots, Jackhammers, Jackrabbits, Jack-Booted Thugs
Jersey Egress, Egrets,
Kansas City Twisters, Can Cans, Sassies
KC Oz
Kearn(e)y Carnival, Carnations
Las Vegas Dice, Aces, Vegans, Lounge Lizards, Flash, Lhasa Apsas, Glitz
LA Freeway, Glitz, Elegance
Little Rock Big Rollers
Lexington Elixir, Stretch Runnerts
Los Angeles Scene, Lhasa Apsas, "A" List, Bodacious
Louisville Lip Loops
Lynchburg Lynchpins
Macon Magnets
Madison Maximum, Dollies
Maine Domain
Manhattan Essence, Mad Hatters
Manitoba Minotaurs
Martha's Vineyard Designer Corkscrews
Massachusetts Mish Mashers, Masqueradors
Maryland Marionettes, Marigolds
Memphis Philosopher Kings, Emphasis, Tempo
Miami Might, Maelstrom, Coral Glories
Milwaukee Talkies, Milkmen
Minneapolis Maulers, Miniskirts, Squall, Man Hunt
Mobile Homes, Shields
Modesto Destroyers, Devastators, Mad Dogs
Montreal Monsters, Full Monty, For One and One For All
Nags Head Swell
Nantucket Gannets
Narragansett Gannets, Sonnets, Epic Sunsets, Dynamic
Nashville Elvises, Warblers
Nebraska Ascots
New Orleans Mardi, Jazz Jammers
New York Corks, Fashion, Cork Poppers, Intrigue
Niagara Falls Barrel Jumpers, Exhilaration
Norfolk Navigators
North Dakota Nova, Supernova
Northern Virginia Supernova, Virtuosos
Oakland Omen, Ogres, Okra, Auklet, There, Oaks
Oklahoma City Octave Jumpers, Locomotives
Orlando Orchestrators, Obliterators
Oswego Swagger
Ottawa Automatons
Philadelphia Freedom, Flavor, Phalaropes, Bell Ringers
Phoenix Fiends, Phoenix, Phoebes, Femme Fatales, Risers, Phalanx
Piedmont Pied Pipers
Pierre Fresh, Pirouetters
Pittsburgh Tar Babies, Hard Hats, Pastels, Posterior Kickers
Portland Portenders, Dock Sopranos
Powhatan Powerhouse
Quebec Caribou
Raleigh Rally
Reno Keno
Richmond Thunder
Rochester Bustiers, Rock Stars
Sacramento Soccer Moms
Saint Louis Sensationals, Sabertooths, Arch
Salt Lake City Taste Buds
San Andreas Fault Finders
San Antonio Sandstorms, Forget-Me-Nots
San Francisco Sirens, Romance, Frantic, Wiz Kids, Frescoes
San Diego Sanderlings, Sand Dollars, Sandpipers, Cinderellas, Serendipitous
Savannah Savants, Whites
Seattle Sea Breeze, Seafarers, Rattlers, Sirens
Shreveport Banshees
Silicon Valley Cyberboppers
Sioux City Somersaulters, Sunbeams
SoBe Its
SoHo Lofts
Spokane Exclamation
Springfield (VA) Ramps
Stamford Stompers
Tacoma Tachymeters, Berenices
Tallahassee Lassies
Tampa Lamprey, Vamps, Temper, Tantrum, Rampage
Teaneck Brunch Stranglers
Texas Vortex, Jet Setters, Extraordinaires, Vixen
Toledo Leaders
Toronto Torrent, Tarantulas, Tremendous, Ruddy Turnstones, Tormenters,
Trenton Trendsetters, Tremendous
Tuscon Saguaros, Sonnets, Tunes, Irony, Ironic
Tulsa Ultimate, Ultimas, Tusslers
Vancouver Vamps, Beaufort, Wood Carvers
Virginia Geniuses, Vireos, Avocets
Warrenton Warlords, Warlocks, Warblers
Washington Warblers, Will Imposers, Policy, Diplomacy, Statesmen, Flourish, Nexus
Waterloo Loons, Walruses, Lulus, Water Lilies, Lollipop Lickers, Waterloos
Wichita Wings, Wit Patrol, Wishbones
Wilmington Willets, Waders
Winnipeg Wigwams, Whimbrels
Team combos
Dallas Malice + Dahlias = Dahlmals
Fort Worth Fortuitous + Mirth = FunLucks
Georgia Gorgers + Georgeous = Hot 'n' Heavies
Indianapolis Napoleons + No Naps = Bonaparte Sleepwalkers
Minneapolis Maulers + Minis(kirts) = MiniMalls
New York Corks + Fashion = GlamBallers
Pierre Fresh + Pirouetters = Fresh Legs
San Diego Sand Dollars + Cinderellas = SlipStars
Sunday, January 15, 2012
BOWL PLAYOFF PROPOSAL: THE 4+ SYSTEM
The NCAA says it will be considering 60+ methods for determining a football champion via playoff games. My recommendation for the BCS is a 4-team playoff using the top 4-ranked teams, plus a "play-in" game (or two) in case there's an undefeated team (or two) that didn't rank top-4. The "play-in" games, if there are any, would be played the week before.
So, let's say at the end of the football season (after conference championship games and before bowl games), Alabama is ranked # USC #2, Ohio State #3, Texas #4, Boise State #5, and Utah State #6. And suppose both Boise State and Utah are unbeaten. Boise State would play Ohio State and Utah would play Texas in "play-in" games. The Ohio/Boise winner would then play USC, and the Texas/Utah winner would play Alabama. The winners of these two games would play for the championship.
So basically, the "play-in" games would enable an undefeated team to replace (by beating) the 3rd- or 4th-ranked teams in the 4-team playoff.
The "play-in" game(s) would be played at the home site of the higher ranked team(s) or at another site of their choosing that's available on short notice, or tentatively.
"Play-in" games would not be bowl games, although, as a consolation prize, one (or two) of the lesser bowls would have an arrangement where they take the loser(s) of the "play-in" game(s). But the two semifinal games of the playoff would be major bowl games, as would the championship game, determined on a rotating basis.
Any play-in games would take place around Christmas. The semifinals would be played around New Year's, and the championship around a week later. There are probably some good, juicy names out there already for what to call these three games--oh, how about Bowl Championship Series!
Of course, it's theoretically possible that some year there'd be 3 or 4 or even more undefeated teams ranked below #4. Draw the line at the top four of these, and put them up against #1 through #4--lowest ranked vs. highest ranked and so on, in such a way that "play-in" slot essentially morphs morer or less into a quarterfinals round. And the #1-ranked team gets the lone bye if there are exactly 3 unbeatens ranked below #4.
ADDRESSING OBJECTIONS
Possible objections to this system include: A) it decreases the # of official BCS games from 5 to 3. But most fans by now probably attach little importance to any hoopla surrounding the 4 BCS games that are extraneous to determining the national championship. If they do, they are delusional. And they could treat the play-ins like a sort of quasi-bowl game.
Possible objection B): a minor conference team would be financial setback for major bowl organizers, and compel fans of "play-in" game teams to book travel plans on short notice for their bowl games. But minor conference champs who become Cinderella stories would likely attract a larger national following, and airlines might offer special discounts to fans to travel to the bowl game location.
ADDITIONAL POSSIBLE FEATURES
Avoid potentially somewhat disputable national champ game matches/results by preventing intra-conference meetings in championship game if the teams have already played that season (including their conference championship game). The results of these games tend to be either redundant or contradictory. So if there are two teams from the same conference ranked anywhere from #1 through #4, and they've already played each other, they would be matched up in a semifinal. No need to worry about 3+ teams from the same conference ranked in the top4--it's not going to happen.
A possible additional feature: make the championship game team selection involve fan participation to an extent. The highest-seeded team to emerge victorious from the semifinal games and any (other) undefeated team would be automatically invited to the championship game. But a semifinal winner from the #2 vs. #3 bracket, provided they had no "play-in" game win on their resume, could be vetoed by a fan vote. Maybe the won a poorly played game. The potential replacement could be any winner of another major bowl game which had not lost during the season to the prospective title game opponent (including conference champ games).
The vote could be done by phone a la American Idol, although it should be made a bit difficult to pull off a veto. Make the phone call a yea/nay for the team under review, then, if nay, branch it to multiple-choice for the other major bowl winners. To make a change, at this point, at least 2/3 of the votes would have to be against that team under review, and a majority of the other-team votes would have to be for one particular team. If the vote result is 2/3 nay but not a majority for any one potential replacement, have a subsequent runoff between the original team under review and the top two vote-getting options (all treated equally), with the highest vote-getter obtaining the championship game invitation.
This "Barabbasic" feature would bring back the importance of multiple bowl games, as an impressive winner of such would conceivably have a chance at playing for the championship--if voted-in by the fans. It harkens back to the pre-BCS era when there was excitement in the air as the victors of the major bowls each chanted "we're #1", and then the AP & UPI polls decided the next day.
The improvement is that with this system, yes the fans may play a role, and yes the polls do play a role in setting things up,, but the final result is decided on the field in a championship game.
So, let's say at the end of the football season (after conference championship games and before bowl games), Alabama is ranked # USC #2, Ohio State #3, Texas #4, Boise State #5, and Utah State #6. And suppose both Boise State and Utah are unbeaten. Boise State would play Ohio State and Utah would play Texas in "play-in" games. The Ohio/Boise winner would then play USC, and the Texas/Utah winner would play Alabama. The winners of these two games would play for the championship.
So basically, the "play-in" games would enable an undefeated team to replace (by beating) the 3rd- or 4th-ranked teams in the 4-team playoff.
The "play-in" game(s) would be played at the home site of the higher ranked team(s) or at another site of their choosing that's available on short notice, or tentatively.
"Play-in" games would not be bowl games, although, as a consolation prize, one (or two) of the lesser bowls would have an arrangement where they take the loser(s) of the "play-in" game(s). But the two semifinal games of the playoff would be major bowl games, as would the championship game, determined on a rotating basis.
Any play-in games would take place around Christmas. The semifinals would be played around New Year's, and the championship around a week later. There are probably some good, juicy names out there already for what to call these three games--oh, how about Bowl Championship Series!
Of course, it's theoretically possible that some year there'd be 3 or 4 or even more undefeated teams ranked below #4. Draw the line at the top four of these, and put them up against #1 through #4--lowest ranked vs. highest ranked and so on, in such a way that "play-in" slot essentially morphs morer or less into a quarterfinals round. And the #1-ranked team gets the lone bye if there are exactly 3 unbeatens ranked below #4.
ADDRESSING OBJECTIONS
Possible objections to this system include: A) it decreases the # of official BCS games from 5 to 3. But most fans by now probably attach little importance to any hoopla surrounding the 4 BCS games that are extraneous to determining the national championship. If they do, they are delusional. And they could treat the play-ins like a sort of quasi-bowl game.
Possible objection B): a minor conference team would be financial setback for major bowl organizers, and compel fans of "play-in" game teams to book travel plans on short notice for their bowl games. But minor conference champs who become Cinderella stories would likely attract a larger national following, and airlines might offer special discounts to fans to travel to the bowl game location.
ADDITIONAL POSSIBLE FEATURES
Avoid potentially somewhat disputable national champ game matches/results by preventing intra-conference meetings in championship game if the teams have already played that season (including their conference championship game). The results of these games tend to be either redundant or contradictory. So if there are two teams from the same conference ranked anywhere from #1 through #4, and they've already played each other, they would be matched up in a semifinal. No need to worry about 3+ teams from the same conference ranked in the top4--it's not going to happen.
A possible additional feature: make the championship game team selection involve fan participation to an extent. The highest-seeded team to emerge victorious from the semifinal games and any (other) undefeated team would be automatically invited to the championship game. But a semifinal winner from the #2 vs. #3 bracket, provided they had no "play-in" game win on their resume, could be vetoed by a fan vote. Maybe the won a poorly played game. The potential replacement could be any winner of another major bowl game which had not lost during the season to the prospective title game opponent (including conference champ games).
The vote could be done by phone a la American Idol, although it should be made a bit difficult to pull off a veto. Make the phone call a yea/nay for the team under review, then, if nay, branch it to multiple-choice for the other major bowl winners. To make a change, at this point, at least 2/3 of the votes would have to be against that team under review, and a majority of the other-team votes would have to be for one particular team. If the vote result is 2/3 nay but not a majority for any one potential replacement, have a subsequent runoff between the original team under review and the top two vote-getting options (all treated equally), with the highest vote-getter obtaining the championship game invitation.
This "Barabbasic" feature would bring back the importance of multiple bowl games, as an impressive winner of such would conceivably have a chance at playing for the championship--if voted-in by the fans. It harkens back to the pre-BCS era when there was excitement in the air as the victors of the major bowls each chanted "we're #1", and then the AP & UPI polls decided the next day.
The improvement is that with this system, yes the fans may play a role, and yes the polls do play a role in setting things up,, but the final result is decided on the field in a championship game.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Soccer's Scoring Drought: Analysis and Suggested Remedies
With nearly all the teams having played their opening match, it's already clear that the lack of scoring in World Cup soccer has gotten absurd. To illustrate, through the first 14 games in South Africa:
Teams are scoring on average less than a goal per game--.8 of a goal;
In 9 of the 14 games--64%--at least one of the teams failed to score;
In 10 of the 14 games--71%--neither team scored more than 1 goal;
In 12 of the 14 games--86%--no more than 2 total goals were scored by both teams combined;
Only one of the first 28 teams to play scored more than 2 goals in their first game (Germany got 4);
6 games, that's 43%, were ties;
Goal-scoring has become so rare that fluke goals--such as the English goalkeepers fumble and the Danish wrong-way ricochet header--are decisive;
The crowds have so little to cheer about that they resort to blowing on deafening horns en masse to entertain themselves;
The International Soccer Federation (FIFA) is reportedly considering enlarging the goal to boost scoring. However, such a move could have negative repercussions on how the game is played. And it would compel millions of people to redo or replace their goal structures.
There are other ways to make it easier to score. Taking a cue from thoroughbred racing/exercise programs, officials could "handicap" the goalies by fitting them with ankle weights. Or they could enforce penalties by making the goalie wear a patch over one eye or tying one hand behind his/her back. A really heinous violation might be punished by strapping the offending player ball & chain-style to the goalie. While these scenarios may sound like torture, sitting through a typical soccer game today is already a torturous experience for many.
Reference
Increasing Soccer Goal Size is Questionable!!! (website).
Steven (Starjet) Kearney
Teams are scoring on average less than a goal per game--.8 of a goal;
In 9 of the 14 games--64%--at least one of the teams failed to score;
In 10 of the 14 games--71%--neither team scored more than 1 goal;
In 12 of the 14 games--86%--no more than 2 total goals were scored by both teams combined;
Only one of the first 28 teams to play scored more than 2 goals in their first game (Germany got 4);
6 games, that's 43%, were ties;
Goal-scoring has become so rare that fluke goals--such as the English goalkeepers fumble and the Danish wrong-way ricochet header--are decisive;
The crowds have so little to cheer about that they resort to blowing on deafening horns en masse to entertain themselves;
The International Soccer Federation (FIFA) is reportedly considering enlarging the goal to boost scoring. However, such a move could have negative repercussions on how the game is played. And it would compel millions of people to redo or replace their goal structures.
There are other ways to make it easier to score. Taking a cue from thoroughbred racing/exercise programs, officials could "handicap" the goalies by fitting them with ankle weights. Or they could enforce penalties by making the goalie wear a patch over one eye or tying one hand behind his/her back. A really heinous violation might be punished by strapping the offending player ball & chain-style to the goalie. While these scenarios may sound like torture, sitting through a typical soccer game today is already a torturous experience for many.
Reference
Increasing Soccer Goal Size is Questionable!!! (website).
Steven (Starjet) Kearney
Friday, June 11, 2010
World Cup Soccer: US Hopes to Tar and Feather British
Dunce Cap Fits BP Well
The huge Dunce Cap placed over the erupting BP (aka British Petroleum) oil well in the Gulf of Mexico has been partially successful. The Dunce Cap is a better fit than anything else BP has tried. That said, the wound is still hemorrhaging.
Enter: World Cup Soccer--US Hopes to Tar and Feather the British in Showdown Saturday.
The British are heavy favorites, having more internationally experienced players. But the Americans have youth and enthusiasm on their side.
The US also has a history of surprising victories over the Redcoats--such as the stunning 1950 win by a score of 1-0.
On top of that, the US will be playing with the anger of a nation behind them. This, of course, is because of the tremendous devastation wreaked on the US Gulf Coast this spring by British Petroleum's massive Oil Spill.
A US soccer fan says he hopes "that when the American players hit the field they'll run circles around the Brits--make 'em look like they're mired in muck, like all those pelicans of ours."
One fan says that if any other country had spewed-out all of that oil, many Americans would consider it an act of war or terrorism. But this Euro-trashing of the Gulf Coast has been gotten away with. The perpetrators are predominantly White and English-speaking, not like your typical profiled enemy or terrorist.
A fan of the American Tea Party agreed that it would be fun to see the British humiliated in a Revolutionary victory. "People might think that we'd be pro-water-fouling, given our history, but actually we're more pro-waterfowl. The Audubon Society has some very influential chapters in Massachusetts."
Sarah Palin is rumored to have quipped that if she'd ever caught Vladimir Putin drilling for oil off the Alaska Coast, she'd have shot him in the buttocks with a crossbow.
Afterwords
How it turned out: 1-1 tie--a "moral victory" for the USofAers. The most likely tar & feathering would have been by British fans of their owngoalie who let an easy shot get by him.
BP Followup
A BP robot has evidently knocked the Dunce Cap off the well head! The company's CEO could not be reached for comment as he was busy unwinding from a nerve-wracking yacht race over the weekend. A BP spokesman said they'd likely try to put the Dunce Cap back on. It was unclear whether the robot, which reportedly had said "Woops, my bad!" would be asked to play any role in the retrofitting.
The huge Dunce Cap placed over the erupting BP (aka British Petroleum) oil well in the Gulf of Mexico has been partially successful. The Dunce Cap is a better fit than anything else BP has tried. That said, the wound is still hemorrhaging.
Enter: World Cup Soccer--US Hopes to Tar and Feather the British in Showdown Saturday.
The British are heavy favorites, having more internationally experienced players. But the Americans have youth and enthusiasm on their side.
The US also has a history of surprising victories over the Redcoats--such as the stunning 1950 win by a score of 1-0.
On top of that, the US will be playing with the anger of a nation behind them. This, of course, is because of the tremendous devastation wreaked on the US Gulf Coast this spring by British Petroleum's massive Oil Spill.
A US soccer fan says he hopes "that when the American players hit the field they'll run circles around the Brits--make 'em look like they're mired in muck, like all those pelicans of ours."
One fan says that if any other country had spewed-out all of that oil, many Americans would consider it an act of war or terrorism. But this Euro-trashing of the Gulf Coast has been gotten away with. The perpetrators are predominantly White and English-speaking, not like your typical profiled enemy or terrorist.
A fan of the American Tea Party agreed that it would be fun to see the British humiliated in a Revolutionary victory. "People might think that we'd be pro-water-fouling, given our history, but actually we're more pro-waterfowl. The Audubon Society has some very influential chapters in Massachusetts."
Sarah Palin is rumored to have quipped that if she'd ever caught Vladimir Putin drilling for oil off the Alaska Coast, she'd have shot him in the buttocks with a crossbow.
Afterwords
How it turned out: 1-1 tie--a "moral victory" for the USofAers. The most likely tar & feathering would have been by British fans of their owngoalie who let an easy shot get by him.
BP Followup
A BP robot has evidently knocked the Dunce Cap off the well head! The company's CEO could not be reached for comment as he was busy unwinding from a nerve-wracking yacht race over the weekend. A BP spokesman said they'd likely try to put the Dunce Cap back on. It was unclear whether the robot, which reportedly had said "Woops, my bad!" would be asked to play any role in the retrofitting.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Name That Horse
Since we haven't had a Triple Crown winner in 32 years, a lot of horseracing people are looking to change something. Take a look at the names of the 11 horses who have won a Triple Crown, and you'll see assertiveness, strength and triumph. Names like Gallant Fox, War Admiral, Assault, Secretariat, Seattle Slew and Affirmed.
Now we've got horses running around with names like "dude this' and "dude that". If Seattle Slew had been called Seattle Slaw, he might not have gotten as much respect. Ditto if Affirmed had been named Denied. Look at two of the last three horses to get to the Belmont Stakes with a chance for a triple crown: Funny Cide and Smarty Jones. You've got to be kidding!
Here are some good names for horses:
Get Bet Soon
Rainmaker
Morse Colt
Medicine Horse
Pole Star
Tonal Rail (has a nice ring to it)
Lustrous Finish
Wire to Wire
Record Setter
Go Figure Go (lineage of Go and Go)
Four Legs Good (from Orwell's Animal Farm)
Post Time Traveler
Surf In Turf (son of a mudder)
Bridle Wreath
Horse With A Name (ref. America song)
Runaway Charm (ref. my song)
ThoroughBroad (a filly)
Stretch Limo
by Steven (Starjet) Kearney
Now we've got horses running around with names like "dude this' and "dude that". If Seattle Slew had been called Seattle Slaw, he might not have gotten as much respect. Ditto if Affirmed had been named Denied. Look at two of the last three horses to get to the Belmont Stakes with a chance for a triple crown: Funny Cide and Smarty Jones. You've got to be kidding!
Here are some good names for horses:
Get Bet Soon
Rainmaker
Morse Colt
Medicine Horse
Pole Star
Tonal Rail (has a nice ring to it)
Lustrous Finish
Wire to Wire
Record Setter
Go Figure Go (lineage of Go and Go)
Four Legs Good (from Orwell's Animal Farm)
Post Time Traveler
Surf In Turf (son of a mudder)
Bridle Wreath
Horse With A Name (ref. America song)
Runaway Charm (ref. my song)
ThoroughBroad (a filly)
Stretch Limo
by Steven (Starjet) Kearney
Friday, June 4, 2010
Umpire's Mistake Explained
"Galarraga's Perfect Game Ruined by Umpire"--the headlines blare. Why did the umpire--Joyce--miss the obvious game-ending out call at first base? It seems he must have choked, right?
Maybe an explanation comes from the way baseball umpires are trained. On a bang-bang play like the one at first base, the umpire looks for the foot touching the base and LISTENS for the ball hitting the mitt. However, on this particular play, Galarraga caught the ball snow-cone style. So there was no sound of the ball going "thump" while impacting the pocket of the glove.
The reason umpires listen for the ball is a simple limitation of human vision. We can only focus on one spot at a time. The umpire at first base stands down the line several feet from the base. On this play--a grounder to the 1st baseman with the pitcher covering the base, the umpire needs to focus on the base at the crucial time because he must evaluate two things in that visual spot--the hitter's foot arriving and the pitcher's foot arriving and often groping for the base. If the umpire takes his eye off the base for a split second to look for the ball, he may miss the pitcher's foot touching or straying from the base, and so miss the call.
Why, then can we all watch this instant replay and see the call was wrong? To begin with, the speed is usually slow so we have time to go back and forth with our eyes. Furthermore, glove and base are much closer together in the field of view on a TV screen compared with what the umpire sees.
The grounder to first baseman off the bag with pitcher covering is one of the more difficult to handle defensively and to umpire. It involves an intricate interplay between four principals--pitcher, first baseman, hitter/runner and umpire. So many things can go wrong: pitcher slow to react gets to base late; pitcher pressed for time looks for throw while groping for base; 1st-baseman aims at base and misses pitcher or aims at pitcher and misses base; 1st baseman leads the pitcher just as he's stopping; 1st-baseman prematurely anticipates pitcher stopping so throw goes behind him; pitcher and hitter/runner get tangled up; controversial call by umpire involving pitcher's foot on/off bag or ball caught cleanly/juggled.
The subjective judgment of umpires is clearly a part of the game. This is most evident on ball/strike calls. It's also apparent on tags and diving catches in the outfield. Unfortunately, what sells an above-the-wall circus catch--snow-cone ball--is cause for doubt in the play at first as it brings up the issue of possession. Understanding that the umpire was listening for, not looking at the ball, any inclination he might've had to reverse his call was squelched by that protruding ball.
While it may seem crazy to us now that this umpire--Joyce--would error on the side of ruining the perfect game, consider what would've happened if on the instant replay it was obvious that Armando Galarraga was juggling the ball. Joyce would be mocked as the soft-hearted umpire, the "yes" man umpire, the blind umpire,the wimpire, and so on. Galarraga's deed would be called the imperfect game, the umperfect game, the Quote "perfect" game, and so on.
PS Regarding limits of human vision. Ditto in other sports. Basketball out-of-bounds ball contested by 2+ players: the referee needs to watch the ball to see who touches it last and also monitor contact for fouls. In Football on a fumble: the official needs to watch for the carrier's knee touching ground and also the ball coming loose unexpectedly and possibly the ball and/or the runner going out-of-bounds, as well as a bunch of players diving for the loose ball.
These sports have wisely implemented instant replay on plays such as these. Baseball would be wise to do so on plays like the one that cost Galarraga his no-hitter.
Maybe an explanation comes from the way baseball umpires are trained. On a bang-bang play like the one at first base, the umpire looks for the foot touching the base and LISTENS for the ball hitting the mitt. However, on this particular play, Galarraga caught the ball snow-cone style. So there was no sound of the ball going "thump" while impacting the pocket of the glove.
The reason umpires listen for the ball is a simple limitation of human vision. We can only focus on one spot at a time. The umpire at first base stands down the line several feet from the base. On this play--a grounder to the 1st baseman with the pitcher covering the base, the umpire needs to focus on the base at the crucial time because he must evaluate two things in that visual spot--the hitter's foot arriving and the pitcher's foot arriving and often groping for the base. If the umpire takes his eye off the base for a split second to look for the ball, he may miss the pitcher's foot touching or straying from the base, and so miss the call.
Why, then can we all watch this instant replay and see the call was wrong? To begin with, the speed is usually slow so we have time to go back and forth with our eyes. Furthermore, glove and base are much closer together in the field of view on a TV screen compared with what the umpire sees.
The grounder to first baseman off the bag with pitcher covering is one of the more difficult to handle defensively and to umpire. It involves an intricate interplay between four principals--pitcher, first baseman, hitter/runner and umpire. So many things can go wrong: pitcher slow to react gets to base late; pitcher pressed for time looks for throw while groping for base; 1st-baseman aims at base and misses pitcher or aims at pitcher and misses base; 1st baseman leads the pitcher just as he's stopping; 1st-baseman prematurely anticipates pitcher stopping so throw goes behind him; pitcher and hitter/runner get tangled up; controversial call by umpire involving pitcher's foot on/off bag or ball caught cleanly/juggled.
The subjective judgment of umpires is clearly a part of the game. This is most evident on ball/strike calls. It's also apparent on tags and diving catches in the outfield. Unfortunately, what sells an above-the-wall circus catch--snow-cone ball--is cause for doubt in the play at first as it brings up the issue of possession. Understanding that the umpire was listening for, not looking at the ball, any inclination he might've had to reverse his call was squelched by that protruding ball.
While it may seem crazy to us now that this umpire--Joyce--would error on the side of ruining the perfect game, consider what would've happened if on the instant replay it was obvious that Armando Galarraga was juggling the ball. Joyce would be mocked as the soft-hearted umpire, the "yes" man umpire, the blind umpire,the wimpire, and so on. Galarraga's deed would be called the imperfect game, the umperfect game, the Quote "perfect" game, and so on.
PS Regarding limits of human vision. Ditto in other sports. Basketball out-of-bounds ball contested by 2+ players: the referee needs to watch the ball to see who touches it last and also monitor contact for fouls. In Football on a fumble: the official needs to watch for the carrier's knee touching ground and also the ball coming loose unexpectedly and possibly the ball and/or the runner going out-of-bounds, as well as a bunch of players diving for the loose ball.
These sports have wisely implemented instant replay on plays such as these. Baseball would be wise to do so on plays like the one that cost Galarraga his no-hitter.
Spanish Version of Take Me Out to the Ballgame
It would be cool if people here sang Take Me Out to the BallGame in Spanish every Cinco de Mayo.
However, most translations are unsatisfactory because:
*They don't get the correct meanings of some of the words, particularly the sports lingo--to "root" for a team doesn't mean to root around in the ground or trace one's ancestry.
*They lack a sense of rhythm, use too many words/syllables and so are clumsy/rushed when sung.
*They don't translate everything--leaving bits and pieces of English.
So here goes:
Llevame al partido de beisbol
Llevame con la multitud
Compreme cacahuetes y Galleta Jack
No me importa si nunca vuelvo
Rugir, rugir para los Cachorros/Diamantes/Atleticos/Nacionales/Yanquis/etc.
Si no ganan, que lastima
Porque es uno, dos, tres y ponchado
En el pasatiempo grandioso!
However, most translations are unsatisfactory because:
*They don't get the correct meanings of some of the words, particularly the sports lingo--to "root" for a team doesn't mean to root around in the ground or trace one's ancestry.
*They lack a sense of rhythm, use too many words/syllables and so are clumsy/rushed when sung.
*They don't translate everything--leaving bits and pieces of English.
So here goes:
Llevame al partido de beisbol
Llevame con la multitud
Compreme cacahuetes y Galleta Jack
No me importa si nunca vuelvo
Rugir, rugir para los Cachorros/Diamantes/Atleticos/Nacionales/Yanquis/etc.
Si no ganan, que lastima
Porque es uno, dos, tres y ponchado
En el pasatiempo grandioso!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Resolving the NCAA Football Playoff Controversy
BCS Options: Two New Ideas
Here are a couple of novel solutions to the college football championship controversy about possibly adding a playoff. I call them my Fun Option and my Best Option.
Most people want a college football playoff. But there are several serious problems with that. It would detract from the regular season, detract from the bowl games, and cause scheduling difficulties for the student-athletes who are the players.
THE FUN OPTION
The BCS people have almost got it right. The championship game comes about a week after the last major bowl game. Keep it that way, only let the BCS panel vote immediately after the last major bowl game. Their choice of the #1 team goes to the championship game. Their opponent would be selected promptly by the FANS! Hey, we're good enough for American Idol and Dancing with the Stars!
In all likelihood we'll wind up with winners of two of the major bowl games facing off. This would keep the bowl folk happy.
This idea may have started out in jest, but when you look at all the "cons" (vs "pros") of the playoff proposals out there, you get to thinking that less is more.
PLAYOFF PROBLEMS
Here are some detailed problems with extended playoff proposals:
*Even if you just take 8 teams, most proposals include the 6 major conference winners in that group. But a conference winner could have accumulated 3,4 even 5 losses in a competitive conference and with some non-conference-game losses. For example, Virginia Tech had 4 loses in 2008 when they got invited to the Orange Bowl as ACC conference champs--and they won the game, too. So if that were the first round off an 8-team tournament, then they'd have been in the final 4! It wouldn't matter that they'd lost to lowly East Carolina University.
So you can be sure that sooner or later a team with 4 or more losses will win the championship in an 8-team tournament format. This would run contrary to 140 years of division-1 college football tradition. Only once has a team with more than 2 losses been awarded any kind of championship: Nebraska in 1981 was named champion by one organization, The National Championship Foundation, despite only going 9-3. And even they only had 2 losses at the time of the vote, which was taken pre-bowls.
* Extended playoff systems inevitably come into conflict with final exams or Christmas or the NFL playoffs or the start of Spring semester. We shouldn't forget that these players are students-athletes, not professionals. And the bowl sponsors want to keep the big bowls after Christmas and around New Year's. They've got their festivals and parades that bring out a lot of people.
But if you make big bowls into your first and second rounds of an 8-team playoff (the best extended playoff option), you have to move them up to Christmas or earlier in order to avoid colliding with the NFL playoffs in January, which feature two games on both Saturday and Sunday for their first and second round. It also violates an unwritten rule not to play/televise college and pro games on the same day(s).
* A bowl playoff system would lead to overexposure of some teams and underexposure for others. In an 8-team bowl playoff system, two teams would play in 3 bowl games each, and another two teams would play in two bowl games apiece. Four teams that would otherwise be in a major bowl game would be replaced by the multiple-gaming of the playoff round winners. The effect would trickle down to the minor bowls with the net effect that 4 teams would be shut-out from the bowls altogether. Of course, they could add a couple of bowl games to
compensate.
BEST PLAYOFF OPTION
One playoff option that seems to have been overlooked is a 4-team playoff, integrated with the bowl system. The pre-bowl, top-4-ranked teams would be seeded (#1 vs #4, #2 vs #3) in two of the major bowl games. The winners would clash in the Championship game the following week.
Major bowls (probably the current BCS "gang of 4"--Rose, Orange, Sugar and Fiesta) would rotate participatory roles in the playoffs. This would include the hosting of the Championship game, which could either be the bowl game associated with the given venue (as the BCS championship was from 1998/99--2005/6) or follow that bowl game by about a week (as the BCS championship has been doing since 2007/8).
If the older method is applied, each of the four bowl sites would rotate through the following four roles, in whatever order is chosen: 1) host of #1 vs #4 seed; 2) host of #2 vs #3 seed; 3) host of the championship game; 4) out of the playoff loop--host to two other top-ten teams.
If instead they opt for the newer method, each of these 4 bowl sites would segue through a slightly different set of roles: host of #1 vs #4 seed; 2) host of #2 vs #3 seed; 3) host to a non-playoff bowl game and then host to the championship game; 4) out of the playoff loop--host to two other top-ten teams.
An advantage of the latter option is that the bowl festivals could go on as regularly scheduled every year around New Year's day/weekend, and the tradition of their games being played on or very close to New Year's day would be maintained. In other words, you wouldn't need to separate, say, Rose Bowl game from the Rose Bowl parade by about a week every 4th year. While that's not a big deal for die-hard football enthusiasts, it matters to the areas' chambers of commerce/tourism-related businesses.
Either way, there's one improvement that could be made in choosing the four playoff contenders. Call it the Boise State (or Utah) clause. Any unbeaten team ranked #5 through #10 gets an opportunity to play-in to the championship tournament. If there is one such team, they would play vs #4 seed a week before the scheduled bowl game. If there are two such teams, match the better-ranked one against #4, seed and match the lesser-ranked one against #3 seed. In the highly unlikely event there are three unbeaten teams ranked from 5th to 10th, simply include #2 seed in the pre-bowl fray. Ditto as regards # 1 seed team in the extremely unlikely event of four unbeaten teams in the bottom half of the top-10.
Play-in games would not be considered bowl games in of themselves, but rather prequels to the big bowls They would be played at or near the home of the higher-ranked team. Those in cold-weather climates could have a backup domed-site option. For instance, Big-Tenners might have an arrangement with the Metrodome in Minneapolis and/or Ford's Field in Detroit in case of a blizzardy-white Christmas. The only team(s) far from home on Christmas would be the Cinderellas who would be so excited to have a chance that they wouldn't mind the inconvenience. The loser(s) of the play-in would still receive top-ten treatment: this includes an invitation to one of the three non-playoff BCS bowl games.
We could still call it the BCS, but now it really would be a "bowl championship series."
TASKS OF A PLAYOFF SYSTEM
It shouldn't be absolutely necessary to be undefeated in order to win the championship. But it should not be possible for a one-loss team to win the championship as long as there are any unbeaten teams left.
It should be possible for a top-notch team to win championship with one loss, provided there are no unbeaten teams left at the end.
Any team that is unbeaten should be ranked in the pre-bowl top-10.
In the end, here should be no unbeaten team that is not #1.
In the end, there should be not more than one team that is unbeaten.
It should be highly unlikely for a team with two losses to win championship and virtually impossible for a team with more than two losses.
A system where it is possible for a team to lose one game and still have a chance at the championship, yet not a certain chance, suitably values the regular season.
A system that guarantees that the champion will be a winner of a major bowl game suitably values the bowl system.
A system that features a national championship game which is the final event of a tournament that has included the #1, #2, #3, #4 teams, plus any other team that is unbeaten, suitably fulfils the national desire for a consensus national champion.
Here are a couple of novel solutions to the college football championship controversy about possibly adding a playoff. I call them my Fun Option and my Best Option.
Most people want a college football playoff. But there are several serious problems with that. It would detract from the regular season, detract from the bowl games, and cause scheduling difficulties for the student-athletes who are the players.
THE FUN OPTION
The BCS people have almost got it right. The championship game comes about a week after the last major bowl game. Keep it that way, only let the BCS panel vote immediately after the last major bowl game. Their choice of the #1 team goes to the championship game. Their opponent would be selected promptly by the FANS! Hey, we're good enough for American Idol and Dancing with the Stars!
In all likelihood we'll wind up with winners of two of the major bowl games facing off. This would keep the bowl folk happy.
This idea may have started out in jest, but when you look at all the "cons" (vs "pros") of the playoff proposals out there, you get to thinking that less is more.
PLAYOFF PROBLEMS
Here are some detailed problems with extended playoff proposals:
*Even if you just take 8 teams, most proposals include the 6 major conference winners in that group. But a conference winner could have accumulated 3,4 even 5 losses in a competitive conference and with some non-conference-game losses. For example, Virginia Tech had 4 loses in 2008 when they got invited to the Orange Bowl as ACC conference champs--and they won the game, too. So if that were the first round off an 8-team tournament, then they'd have been in the final 4! It wouldn't matter that they'd lost to lowly East Carolina University.
So you can be sure that sooner or later a team with 4 or more losses will win the championship in an 8-team tournament format. This would run contrary to 140 years of division-1 college football tradition. Only once has a team with more than 2 losses been awarded any kind of championship: Nebraska in 1981 was named champion by one organization, The National Championship Foundation, despite only going 9-3. And even they only had 2 losses at the time of the vote, which was taken pre-bowls.
* Extended playoff systems inevitably come into conflict with final exams or Christmas or the NFL playoffs or the start of Spring semester. We shouldn't forget that these players are students-athletes, not professionals. And the bowl sponsors want to keep the big bowls after Christmas and around New Year's. They've got their festivals and parades that bring out a lot of people.
But if you make big bowls into your first and second rounds of an 8-team playoff (the best extended playoff option), you have to move them up to Christmas or earlier in order to avoid colliding with the NFL playoffs in January, which feature two games on both Saturday and Sunday for their first and second round. It also violates an unwritten rule not to play/televise college and pro games on the same day(s).
* A bowl playoff system would lead to overexposure of some teams and underexposure for others. In an 8-team bowl playoff system, two teams would play in 3 bowl games each, and another two teams would play in two bowl games apiece. Four teams that would otherwise be in a major bowl game would be replaced by the multiple-gaming of the playoff round winners. The effect would trickle down to the minor bowls with the net effect that 4 teams would be shut-out from the bowls altogether. Of course, they could add a couple of bowl games to
compensate.
BEST PLAYOFF OPTION
One playoff option that seems to have been overlooked is a 4-team playoff, integrated with the bowl system. The pre-bowl, top-4-ranked teams would be seeded (#1 vs #4, #2 vs #3) in two of the major bowl games. The winners would clash in the Championship game the following week.
Major bowls (probably the current BCS "gang of 4"--Rose, Orange, Sugar and Fiesta) would rotate participatory roles in the playoffs. This would include the hosting of the Championship game, which could either be the bowl game associated with the given venue (as the BCS championship was from 1998/99--2005/6) or follow that bowl game by about a week (as the BCS championship has been doing since 2007/8).
If the older method is applied, each of the four bowl sites would rotate through the following four roles, in whatever order is chosen: 1) host of #1 vs #4 seed; 2) host of #2 vs #3 seed; 3) host of the championship game; 4) out of the playoff loop--host to two other top-ten teams.
If instead they opt for the newer method, each of these 4 bowl sites would segue through a slightly different set of roles: host of #1 vs #4 seed; 2) host of #2 vs #3 seed; 3) host to a non-playoff bowl game and then host to the championship game; 4) out of the playoff loop--host to two other top-ten teams.
An advantage of the latter option is that the bowl festivals could go on as regularly scheduled every year around New Year's day/weekend, and the tradition of their games being played on or very close to New Year's day would be maintained. In other words, you wouldn't need to separate, say, Rose Bowl game from the Rose Bowl parade by about a week every 4th year. While that's not a big deal for die-hard football enthusiasts, it matters to the areas' chambers of commerce/tourism-related businesses.
Either way, there's one improvement that could be made in choosing the four playoff contenders. Call it the Boise State (or Utah) clause. Any unbeaten team ranked #5 through #10 gets an opportunity to play-in to the championship tournament. If there is one such team, they would play vs #4 seed a week before the scheduled bowl game. If there are two such teams, match the better-ranked one against #4, seed and match the lesser-ranked one against #3 seed. In the highly unlikely event there are three unbeaten teams ranked from 5th to 10th, simply include #2 seed in the pre-bowl fray. Ditto as regards # 1 seed team in the extremely unlikely event of four unbeaten teams in the bottom half of the top-10.
Play-in games would not be considered bowl games in of themselves, but rather prequels to the big bowls They would be played at or near the home of the higher-ranked team. Those in cold-weather climates could have a backup domed-site option. For instance, Big-Tenners might have an arrangement with the Metrodome in Minneapolis and/or Ford's Field in Detroit in case of a blizzardy-white Christmas. The only team(s) far from home on Christmas would be the Cinderellas who would be so excited to have a chance that they wouldn't mind the inconvenience. The loser(s) of the play-in would still receive top-ten treatment: this includes an invitation to one of the three non-playoff BCS bowl games.
We could still call it the BCS, but now it really would be a "bowl championship series."
TASKS OF A PLAYOFF SYSTEM
It shouldn't be absolutely necessary to be undefeated in order to win the championship. But it should not be possible for a one-loss team to win the championship as long as there are any unbeaten teams left.
It should be possible for a top-notch team to win championship with one loss, provided there are no unbeaten teams left at the end.
Any team that is unbeaten should be ranked in the pre-bowl top-10.
In the end, here should be no unbeaten team that is not #1.
In the end, there should be not more than one team that is unbeaten.
It should be highly unlikely for a team with two losses to win championship and virtually impossible for a team with more than two losses.
A system where it is possible for a team to lose one game and still have a chance at the championship, yet not a certain chance, suitably values the regular season.
A system that guarantees that the champion will be a winner of a major bowl game suitably values the bowl system.
A system that features a national championship game which is the final event of a tournament that has included the #1, #2, #3, #4 teams, plus any other team that is unbeaten, suitably fulfils the national desire for a consensus national champion.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Celebrity Trainwreck Names
CELEBRITY TRAINWRECK NAMES (good ideas for Halloween costumes)
(in alphabetical order: by category*, and within each by first name)
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
Eva LOgarithim (her Gabby is kinda complicated, or calculating)
Felicity Wolfman (her Lynette has an inner dark side that she just barely keeps repressed)
Macia Crossing Guard (her Bree wears orange while bossing everyone--especially her kids--around)
NicoLet's Share a Den (her Edie had a knack for unconventional living arrangements)
Teri Hatchet (she'd be a great heroine in a campy horror movie)
MOVIE STARS
Adam SandBar (he often seems drunk, or acting that way) or SandLot
Antonio BondAirbus (a role he's well-suited for--it'd fly!)
Ashley TentSale (compared with Van Hugs, she's probably a bargain now)
Camera On De Ass (you could make a movie of just that and guys would watch it)
Demi Monde (if the world were split in half would you be on her side? It's post-apocalyptic)
Drew Barleycorn (back-to-nature, crop cycle theme, also the Grim Reaper)
Dustin Hofstra (once a Graduate, always a Graduate--if you age well, or take Viagra)
Glenn Close Call (what she was in Fatal Attraction--a near miss)
Hillary Swank (I know it's her real name, but she'd probably look good in it)
Jack BlackOut (he's big enough to block out the Sun). or Blackhead (terrifying to teenagers)
Jamie Lee Kurdistan (sounds like a good name for her own yogurt brand--in the works)
Jessica Altar (where any single guy would be happy to take her)
Jon LoveIts Or LeaveIts (or leave it alone)
Kate Beck and Call (likes to play demanding roles) or Glockenspiel (has an appealing sound)
Kevin Bake-Off (he's down-home, yet competitive)
Lindsay Locust (she still acts like a 17-year-old--buzzing around), or LowRent (her movies never make any $)
Marilyn Moonroe (she was quite bewitching--like the pretty ones in Wiz of Oz)
Mel GibbStoned (what he was that wild night and what the media did to him afterwards)
Penultimate Cruise (she was the next-to-last woman Tom dated); or Penelope Cruz Control (wouldn't you like to take her for a ride?)
Pierce BroadBand (James Bond meets the Go Go Girls)
Salma Hijack (a female hijacker) or Lo-Jack (so no one can steal her away)
Seth Rogaine (he could use some)
Susan Saran Wrap (put on some red hair, dark glasses and wear something highly metallic)
Tom Cruiserweight (if he ever played a boxer, it couldn't be as a heavyweight)
Tom Handkerchiefs (his films tend to be sentimental)
Vanessa Huggies (a real babe/such a cute babyface!)
Will Feral (he's a wild & crazy guy)
Alec's Bald Twins (yeah, those two)
Zach F-stop (he's so photogenic)
POLITICS (Politicians and Political Journalists)
Al Goretex (a good fabric for changing climatic conditions)
Alan Green Hands (from counting all that money)
Albatross Gum Salad (the attorney general who wouldn't go away)
Almond In a Jam (more nuts than a fruitcake)
Ann Cold Cuts (sliced super thin) or Cold Turkey (an encounter with her is sobering)
Barack Odometer (so that his wife can keep tabs on him)
Carl Rogue (the master spinner has been known to "vogue")
Caspar Wine Cellar (the friendly ghost Wants You for a tour of his estate--bring a jacket)
CondoLizard RicePudding (she's all over the map--or is she?)
Dennis Has Dirt (he was, or should've been, kept informed of stuff)
Dennis Cooked Spinach (nobody's first choice...OK, maybe 1%)
Dick Ricochet-ney (he can't shoot straight, and isn't especially worried about it)
Donald Rumpelstiltskin (not your basic fairy tale ending)
Eleanor Clifthanger ("the suspense is killing me!"/murder she wrote)
Eliot Spritzer (looks for chicks in hotel lobby bar)
HairyYet Mired (wanabee judge bogged down in own goth-thick eyelashes 'n' gobs o' mascara)
Hilarious ClinTuff (two personality aspects she's trying to showcase)
JennaRation Books (a long war, and a short read)
John McLaugh-In (his show, at times, is slapstick comedy)
Larry Craig's List (where he could take out an ad telling everybody "I'm not gay!")
Mike HuckleBe (Huck Finn's populism) or HugaBee (ouch!)
Nancy Pirogi or Pilati (she's bi-coastal, if not bipartisan)
Ralph Nadir (at voting-time a regular bottom-feeder)
Raw Sparrow (his beak-like nose, and lack of city-slicker polish)
Rudy Vigilante (his prosecutorial experience) or Rudy Can't Fail (a song by the Clash)
Rush Lip Bra (he could use a little factual support--say a D-cup) or Limbo (trying to do it)
Sarah Palindrome/Pale and Droned/Pallid Drone (in a manner of speaking); or Sarah Impalin'/Impale 'em (she's a hunter not a gatherer, with her crossbow)
Tim Russet (his round, reddish-orange face--like a pumpkin-head, or a big apple)
Tom Rain Delay (the equivalent of a filibuster)
Tony SnowJob ("hey, y'all, I'm just doing my job up here...")
Valerie Flame (she could've gotten fired when her cover got blown)
SINGERS
Amy Henhouse (a real hot mess)
Atlantis Morrisette (she usually sounds depressed, forlorn, abandoned like the lost continent)
Barry Man-at-Large (cops have CD evidence of him murdering pop music hits by the decade)
Bed Bath & Beyonce (she's got it all)
Britney Smears (she treats the pap-arazzi like they're gynecologists)
Hillary MacDuff (there must be something Shakesperean about her)
Huey Newton and the Loos or Huey Knew Us in the Loo (a little invasive British humor)
Jessica Dim Sum (let's see if she can figure it out)
Jonah's Brothers (Bible thumpers swallow their pride)
Just in Time for Dinner (he's on the go) or Tamberlaine (if you want to dress like an emperor)
Kevin Fed a Line (he can't memorize 'em) or Snort a Line (he's always just about to blow up)
Lance C. Bass Guitar (has fish-eyes); or Lance Bass Guitar (wishes he played an instrument)
Mariah's Scary (if she went Gothic, complete with fangs, it'd be a great departure)
Mel B.-List (dancing with the "stars")
Mick Jaguar (one fierce cat)
Miley Cyprus (why just be a state when you can be an entire country); or Mile 'o' Mint Cyrus (she's a goldmine); or Miley Sea Wolf (something wet & wild about her); or Miley Virus (popping up all over like a pandemic outbreak)
Natasha PettingZoo (G-rated, or R between-lines)
Nick Latchkey (you kind of want to feel sorry for the kid)
Victoria Bedlam(b) (like the month of March--in/out)
Whitney, Who's Stoned? (a rhetorical question)
"SINGING" "TALENT" SHOW AMERICAN I DULL
Antonella BaR bra (R-rated material getting turned into PG)
Bo Bison (a heavy metal band goes off-road out on the prairie, finds they're running with 'em)
Fantasia Burrito (a great name for a Mexican restaurant--if you can read it)
Jazz Mum Triage (a softly singing ER nurse a la "killing me softly with...song")
Kerry Underworld (she's a bit of a torch singer so could be the devil's better half in a duet/if she made a pact/she's so hot)
Ryan SheQuest (not that he wants one but rather he wants to be one)
Simon Scowl (it's more natural, less forced than his smile) or Cowrie (stuck in his shell)
Taylor Higgs Boson (he bounces around like something shot out of a particle accelerator)
SIT-COM STARS, COMEDIANS
Carol Burn At the Stake (that flaming red hair!)
Drew Caries ("what percentage of Americans know that caries is a dental term for cavities?")
Gary ColeSlaw (always comes in those itty bitty portions)
Herman Muenster (cheesey guy, with a wedge-shaped head a la Green Bay football fans)
Jerry's Stein's Filled (he's had it up to here/when you're drunk, anything can seem funny)
James Vader (the killer attorney with ice in his veins and a definite dark side)
Jane KrackHouseKey--(she looks high all the time)
Jerry's Stein's Filled (he's had it up to here/hey, when you're drunk, anything can seem funny) or Kelsey Grammar School/Kelsey GramHair (his characters tend to act like big babies--and have as much hair)
Martin Short Pants (lovable loser, like the Trinidadian calypso singer)
Roseanne Barf (as crude as she can be)
Sarah Silverdome (it doesn't make any sense--like her, or not)
Tina Fey (if she suddenly started babbling, or, isn't that kind of, like, how she talks all the time)
Whoopey GoldBerg (think Titanic filmed as a dark comedy)
SPORTS (Players & Broadcasters)
Albert Pool Halls (he hustles on every play)
Barry US Bonds (popular out on the road singing--"Rte.66"--but only at home when swinging)
Cal RIP Tide (still waters run deep)
Charles Bar-Kays (he'd make a good front man for the vintage funk band); or Charles BarCode--he's a big spender.
John Mammoth (he's about as big as one, and you won't find either on an airplane)
Mark Phillip Sousa (the Australian tennis star in search of an American girlfriend)
Michelle Wee (she's like Alice in Wonderland out there on the golf course lately)
Marco/Morocco Meteorite--shooting star.
O Scare de Latoya (the prizefighter going on a gender-bender: real or photo-shopped?)
PayTon's Mannequins (he's got so many commercial deals he can't do them all himself)
The Stupor Bowl (you've got to be drunk to watch it all 'cus it's usually over at halftime)
Tiger Would (and plenty of you would have, too, if you were in his shoes)
Venus Wilhelmina (she's so into fashion)
"SPORTS"--POKER PLAYERS
All-in CunningHaM or All In Mia Ham
Dale Bunson Burner (precision alchemy)
Howard Letter Opener or Howard--Let Her Open It (he'd stab you in the back)
Jennifer Harmonics(as in the New Age "harmonic convergence", with musical over/undertones)
Mike Mad As Hell (and he's not taking it anymore)
Patrick Polonius--ShakesPearean
Phil Heimlich Maneuver (somebody at the table is choking)
Phil I.V. (a hospital vampire, or the king of France from1285 to 1314 A.D.)
TV DRAMA/REALITY
Carmen Electrode (shock treatment from a beautiful lifeguard)
Carrie Ann Pearl Harbor--tango alpha bravo charlie
Fear Factory (the show's fascination w/remote industrial sites--look out!)
Gordon Ramses (testosterone branding kitchen king)
Gray's Anemone (a lot of tentacles reaching out)
Hayden Planetarium (she's pretty well-rounded)
Heather Millstone (what she was--around Paul's wallet, anyway)
Heidi Plume (wispy)
Kelly Monocle (soaps could use a super-sleuth to tie up some of those persistent loose ends)
Kim CardAssian (a Trekkie with a big following behind her)
Kirstie Dark Alley (you'd hate to run into her there)
Moon BloodGood (the actual name of the time traveler--a vampyress crossed with a she-wolf)
Nickelodeon Sushi (she's like a kid in an upscale candy store)
Pamela Neanderson (the guys she marries tend to be a bit cave-mannish)
Paris Hilltop (guys like to park there with her)
Rich Or Rancid (for the entrepreneurial, money changes everything)
Sarah Jessica Barker (Bow Wow!!)
TV TALK PERSONALITIES:
Al Roquefort (in good taste, and a bit cheesey)
Arsenio Hall Monitor (a scary sight for mischievous kids)
Barbara Walrus (there's something majestic about the way she tilts her head...)
Bryant Gumblow (just perm your hair, don a suit coat & tie, get a big wad of gum and act silly)
Carson Monthly (that's about how often most people watch his show)
Conehead O'Brine Shrimp (their tails mimic his wavy orange hair)
Craig Fergusonofabitch (what Prince Charles calls him)
Craig Stillborn (his show was DOA)
Dan Druthers (if he' had his druthers, we'd be in a rather different place)
David Lettucehead (a scarecrow with a head of lettuce--dude, what were you thinking?)
Diane/Leslie Saw Ya (a la Texas Chainsaw--don't mess with Texas)
Elizabeth Has To Bitch (she just has to--she doesn't know any other way)
Ellen Degenerates (she dances like an ape)
Katie Curate (she's so wholesome) or Curad (bandaged head to foot--reading the news)
Kelly RIP C(h)ord (feels vertigo, thinks "rip cord", reaches over 'n' slashes at Regis' throat)
Martha's Steward(1st her jailkeeper, then parole officer so she can go places like her Vineyard)
Mad Plower (where the heck is he? Oh no, he's coming right at us with a snow plow!)
Oprah Wince Streak (audience reaction if she took her clothes off and ran around the stage)
Rachael Wraith (ghost of meals past--an upset stomach; or the man-eaters of TV Stargate series)
Rosie O'Grady (she belongs in a rowdy Irish pub)
Tiara Banks (she's so exotic) or Tyrannosaurus Banks (fiercely flashing teeth, & all legs)
Walter Conn Smyth (award-winning journalist for giving us the cold, hard facts)
TALK RADIO (NOT POLITICAL)/VARIETY
Garrison Keel Over (sounds like he's been drinking)
George Norway/Noriega ( if the Coast-to-Coast host's voiced stretched North-to-South)
Howard Sternum (where you'd like to punch him)
Ian Pundit (he is what he is)
Linda Molting Owl (intrepid researcher into the moonlit world of the paranormal)
YESTERDAY'S NEWS, BUT COULD RESURFACE
Alien Gonzalez (the child refugee who got sent back--to outer space)
John Marked Card (he deceived everybody about role in JonBenet case)
Natalie Hauled Away (what may have happened to her in Aruba)
*Some celebrities have been active in multiple fields. They are generally listed in the field they've been most prominent in.
Steven (Starjet) Kearney
(in alphabetical order: by category*, and within each by first name)
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
Eva LOgarithim (her Gabby is kinda complicated, or calculating)
Felicity Wolfman (her Lynette has an inner dark side that she just barely keeps repressed)
Macia Crossing Guard (her Bree wears orange while bossing everyone--especially her kids--around)
NicoLet's Share a Den (her Edie had a knack for unconventional living arrangements)
Teri Hatchet (she'd be a great heroine in a campy horror movie)
MOVIE STARS
Adam SandBar (he often seems drunk, or acting that way) or SandLot
Antonio BondAirbus (a role he's well-suited for--it'd fly!)
Ashley TentSale (compared with Van Hugs, she's probably a bargain now)
Camera On De Ass (you could make a movie of just that and guys would watch it)
Demi Monde (if the world were split in half would you be on her side? It's post-apocalyptic)
Drew Barleycorn (back-to-nature, crop cycle theme, also the Grim Reaper)
Dustin Hofstra (once a Graduate, always a Graduate--if you age well, or take Viagra)
Glenn Close Call (what she was in Fatal Attraction--a near miss)
Hillary Swank (I know it's her real name, but she'd probably look good in it)
Jack BlackOut (he's big enough to block out the Sun). or Blackhead (terrifying to teenagers)
Jamie Lee Kurdistan (sounds like a good name for her own yogurt brand--in the works)
Jessica Altar (where any single guy would be happy to take her)
Jon LoveIts Or LeaveIts (or leave it alone)
Kate Beck and Call (likes to play demanding roles) or Glockenspiel (has an appealing sound)
Kevin Bake-Off (he's down-home, yet competitive)
Lindsay Locust (she still acts like a 17-year-old--buzzing around), or LowRent (her movies never make any $)
Marilyn Moonroe (she was quite bewitching--like the pretty ones in Wiz of Oz)
Mel GibbStoned (what he was that wild night and what the media did to him afterwards)
Penultimate Cruise (she was the next-to-last woman Tom dated); or Penelope Cruz Control (wouldn't you like to take her for a ride?)
Pierce BroadBand (James Bond meets the Go Go Girls)
Salma Hijack (a female hijacker) or Lo-Jack (so no one can steal her away)
Seth Rogaine (he could use some)
Susan Saran Wrap (put on some red hair, dark glasses and wear something highly metallic)
Tom Cruiserweight (if he ever played a boxer, it couldn't be as a heavyweight)
Tom Handkerchiefs (his films tend to be sentimental)
Vanessa Huggies (a real babe/such a cute babyface!)
Will Feral (he's a wild & crazy guy)
Alec's Bald Twins (yeah, those two)
Zach F-stop (he's so photogenic)
POLITICS (Politicians and Political Journalists)
Al Goretex (a good fabric for changing climatic conditions)
Alan Green Hands (from counting all that money)
Albatross Gum Salad (the attorney general who wouldn't go away)
Almond In a Jam (more nuts than a fruitcake)
Ann Cold Cuts (sliced super thin) or Cold Turkey (an encounter with her is sobering)
Barack Odometer (so that his wife can keep tabs on him)
Carl Rogue (the master spinner has been known to "vogue")
Caspar Wine Cellar (the friendly ghost Wants You for a tour of his estate--bring a jacket)
CondoLizard RicePudding (she's all over the map--or is she?)
Dennis Has Dirt (he was, or should've been, kept informed of stuff)
Dennis Cooked Spinach (nobody's first choice...OK, maybe 1%)
Dick Ricochet-ney (he can't shoot straight, and isn't especially worried about it)
Donald Rumpelstiltskin (not your basic fairy tale ending)
Eleanor Clifthanger ("the suspense is killing me!"/murder she wrote)
Eliot Spritzer (looks for chicks in hotel lobby bar)
HairyYet Mired (wanabee judge bogged down in own goth-thick eyelashes 'n' gobs o' mascara)
Hilarious ClinTuff (two personality aspects she's trying to showcase)
JennaRation Books (a long war, and a short read)
John McLaugh-In (his show, at times, is slapstick comedy)
Larry Craig's List (where he could take out an ad telling everybody "I'm not gay!")
Mike HuckleBe (Huck Finn's populism) or HugaBee (ouch!)
Nancy Pirogi or Pilati (she's bi-coastal, if not bipartisan)
Ralph Nadir (at voting-time a regular bottom-feeder)
Raw Sparrow (his beak-like nose, and lack of city-slicker polish)
Rudy Vigilante (his prosecutorial experience) or Rudy Can't Fail (a song by the Clash)
Rush Lip Bra (he could use a little factual support--say a D-cup) or Limbo (trying to do it)
Sarah Palindrome/Pale and Droned/Pallid Drone (in a manner of speaking); or Sarah Impalin'/Impale 'em (she's a hunter not a gatherer, with her crossbow)
Tim Russet (his round, reddish-orange face--like a pumpkin-head, or a big apple)
Tom Rain Delay (the equivalent of a filibuster)
Tony SnowJob ("hey, y'all, I'm just doing my job up here...")
Valerie Flame (she could've gotten fired when her cover got blown)
SINGERS
Amy Henhouse (a real hot mess)
Atlantis Morrisette (she usually sounds depressed, forlorn, abandoned like the lost continent)
Barry Man-at-Large (cops have CD evidence of him murdering pop music hits by the decade)
Bed Bath & Beyonce (she's got it all)
Britney Smears (she treats the pap-arazzi like they're gynecologists)
Hillary MacDuff (there must be something Shakesperean about her)
Huey Newton and the Loos or Huey Knew Us in the Loo (a little invasive British humor)
Jessica Dim Sum (let's see if she can figure it out)
Jonah's Brothers (Bible thumpers swallow their pride)
Just in Time for Dinner (he's on the go) or Tamberlaine (if you want to dress like an emperor)
Kevin Fed a Line (he can't memorize 'em) or Snort a Line (he's always just about to blow up)
Lance C. Bass Guitar (has fish-eyes); or Lance Bass Guitar (wishes he played an instrument)
Mariah's Scary (if she went Gothic, complete with fangs, it'd be a great departure)
Mel B.-List (dancing with the "stars")
Mick Jaguar (one fierce cat)
Miley Cyprus (why just be a state when you can be an entire country); or Mile 'o' Mint Cyrus (she's a goldmine); or Miley Sea Wolf (something wet & wild about her); or Miley Virus (popping up all over like a pandemic outbreak)
Natasha PettingZoo (G-rated, or R between-lines)
Nick Latchkey (you kind of want to feel sorry for the kid)
Victoria Bedlam(b) (like the month of March--in/out)
Whitney, Who's Stoned? (a rhetorical question)
"SINGING" "TALENT" SHOW AMERICAN I DULL
Antonella BaR bra (R-rated material getting turned into PG)
Bo Bison (a heavy metal band goes off-road out on the prairie, finds they're running with 'em)
Fantasia Burrito (a great name for a Mexican restaurant--if you can read it)
Jazz Mum Triage (a softly singing ER nurse a la "killing me softly with...song")
Kerry Underworld (she's a bit of a torch singer so could be the devil's better half in a duet/if she made a pact/she's so hot)
Ryan SheQuest (not that he wants one but rather he wants to be one)
Simon Scowl (it's more natural, less forced than his smile) or Cowrie (stuck in his shell)
Taylor Higgs Boson (he bounces around like something shot out of a particle accelerator)
SIT-COM STARS, COMEDIANS
Carol Burn At the Stake (that flaming red hair!)
Drew Caries ("what percentage of Americans know that caries is a dental term for cavities?")
Gary ColeSlaw (always comes in those itty bitty portions)
Herman Muenster (cheesey guy, with a wedge-shaped head a la Green Bay football fans)
Jerry's Stein's Filled (he's had it up to here/when you're drunk, anything can seem funny)
James Vader (the killer attorney with ice in his veins and a definite dark side)
Jane KrackHouseKey--(she looks high all the time)
Jerry's Stein's Filled (he's had it up to here/hey, when you're drunk, anything can seem funny) or Kelsey Grammar School/Kelsey GramHair (his characters tend to act like big babies--and have as much hair)
Martin Short Pants (lovable loser, like the Trinidadian calypso singer)
Roseanne Barf (as crude as she can be)
Sarah Silverdome (it doesn't make any sense--like her, or not)
Tina Fey (if she suddenly started babbling, or, isn't that kind of, like, how she talks all the time)
Whoopey GoldBerg (think Titanic filmed as a dark comedy)
SPORTS (Players & Broadcasters)
Albert Pool Halls (he hustles on every play)
Barry US Bonds (popular out on the road singing--"Rte.66"--but only at home when swinging)
Cal RIP Tide (still waters run deep)
Charles Bar-Kays (he'd make a good front man for the vintage funk band); or Charles BarCode--he's a big spender.
John Mammoth (he's about as big as one, and you won't find either on an airplane)
Mark Phillip Sousa (the Australian tennis star in search of an American girlfriend)
Michelle Wee (she's like Alice in Wonderland out there on the golf course lately)
Marco/Morocco Meteorite--shooting star.
O Scare de Latoya (the prizefighter going on a gender-bender: real or photo-shopped?)
PayTon's Mannequins (he's got so many commercial deals he can't do them all himself)
The Stupor Bowl (you've got to be drunk to watch it all 'cus it's usually over at halftime)
Tiger Would (and plenty of you would have, too, if you were in his shoes)
Venus Wilhelmina (she's so into fashion)
"SPORTS"--POKER PLAYERS
All-in CunningHaM or All In Mia Ham
Dale Bunson Burner (precision alchemy)
Howard Letter Opener or Howard--Let Her Open It (he'd stab you in the back)
Jennifer Harmonics(as in the New Age "harmonic convergence", with musical over/undertones)
Mike Mad As Hell (and he's not taking it anymore)
Patrick Polonius--ShakesPearean
Phil Heimlich Maneuver (somebody at the table is choking)
Phil I.V. (a hospital vampire, or the king of France from1285 to 1314 A.D.)
TV DRAMA/REALITY
Carmen Electrode (shock treatment from a beautiful lifeguard)
Carrie Ann Pearl Harbor--tango alpha bravo charlie
Fear Factory (the show's fascination w/remote industrial sites--look out!)
Gordon Ramses (testosterone branding kitchen king)
Gray's Anemone (a lot of tentacles reaching out)
Hayden Planetarium (she's pretty well-rounded)
Heather Millstone (what she was--around Paul's wallet, anyway)
Heidi Plume (wispy)
Kelly Monocle (soaps could use a super-sleuth to tie up some of those persistent loose ends)
Kim CardAssian (a Trekkie with a big following behind her)
Kirstie Dark Alley (you'd hate to run into her there)
Moon BloodGood (the actual name of the time traveler--a vampyress crossed with a she-wolf)
Nickelodeon Sushi (she's like a kid in an upscale candy store)
Pamela Neanderson (the guys she marries tend to be a bit cave-mannish)
Paris Hilltop (guys like to park there with her)
Rich Or Rancid (for the entrepreneurial, money changes everything)
Sarah Jessica Barker (Bow Wow!!)
TV TALK PERSONALITIES:
Al Roquefort (in good taste, and a bit cheesey)
Arsenio Hall Monitor (a scary sight for mischievous kids)
Barbara Walrus (there's something majestic about the way she tilts her head...)
Bryant Gumblow (just perm your hair, don a suit coat & tie, get a big wad of gum and act silly)
Carson Monthly (that's about how often most people watch his show)
Conehead O'Brine Shrimp (their tails mimic his wavy orange hair)
Craig Fergusonofabitch (what Prince Charles calls him)
Craig Stillborn (his show was DOA)
Dan Druthers (if he' had his druthers, we'd be in a rather different place)
David Lettucehead (a scarecrow with a head of lettuce--dude, what were you thinking?)
Diane/Leslie Saw Ya (a la Texas Chainsaw--don't mess with Texas)
Elizabeth Has To Bitch (she just has to--she doesn't know any other way)
Ellen Degenerates (she dances like an ape)
Katie Curate (she's so wholesome) or Curad (bandaged head to foot--reading the news)
Kelly RIP C(h)ord (feels vertigo, thinks "rip cord", reaches over 'n' slashes at Regis' throat)
Martha's Steward(1st her jailkeeper, then parole officer so she can go places like her Vineyard)
Mad Plower (where the heck is he? Oh no, he's coming right at us with a snow plow!)
Oprah Wince Streak (audience reaction if she took her clothes off and ran around the stage)
Rachael Wraith (ghost of meals past--an upset stomach; or the man-eaters of TV Stargate series)
Rosie O'Grady (she belongs in a rowdy Irish pub)
Tiara Banks (she's so exotic) or Tyrannosaurus Banks (fiercely flashing teeth, & all legs)
Walter Conn Smyth (award-winning journalist for giving us the cold, hard facts)
TALK RADIO (NOT POLITICAL)/VARIETY
Garrison Keel Over (sounds like he's been drinking)
George Norway/Noriega ( if the Coast-to-Coast host's voiced stretched North-to-South)
Howard Sternum (where you'd like to punch him)
Ian Pundit (he is what he is)
Linda Molting Owl (intrepid researcher into the moonlit world of the paranormal)
YESTERDAY'S NEWS, BUT COULD RESURFACE
Alien Gonzalez (the child refugee who got sent back--to outer space)
John Marked Card (he deceived everybody about role in JonBenet case)
Natalie Hauled Away (what may have happened to her in Aruba)
*Some celebrities have been active in multiple fields. They are generally listed in the field they've been most prominent in.
Steven (Starjet) Kearney
Monday, December 28, 2009
College Football Needs a Playoff System
The current (non-playoff) system is flawed because:
1) Only one of the bowl games is meaningful--the BCS championship game. All the other bowl games are mostly meaningless in terms of determining who's #1. In the prior system (pre-BCS), the winner of any of the top-notch bowl games often had a chance at the title. There was all the excitement of players and fans chanting "we're #1"--hopefully--after winning a major bowl game.
The very term BCS--Bowl Championship Series--is a misnomer. There is no "series"--just 4 meaningless games and one championship game. So at the very least it's deceptive advertising
2) The notion that the current system is the best way to accurately determine the best team in the country is an illusion. Many years there are about half-a-dozen teams from major conferences with zero or one loss. And it's rare that there are exactly two unbeaten teams from major conferences. Yet that's the only scenario in which you can fairly claim that the BCS title game in the present system can settle anything definitively: a match-up of the two and only two unbeatens.
Any time you get two one-loss teams meeting in the BCS title game in the current system, most of the other teams that finish with one loss (presumably after winning a bowl game) have a legitimate beef, particularly if they're the team who beat the title game winner earlier in the year.
Even when a one-loss team beats a previously unbeaten team in the current BCS title game, other one-loss teams that weren't on the previously unbeaten team's schedule can claim that they would have beaten them, too, if given the opportunity, particularly if they're the one who beat the title game winner earlier in the year.
Basically, the only way for the BCS title game--without a playoff system--to produce a reasonably undisputed winner is for there to be one and only one undefeated team at the end. The odds of that are fairly low---probably less than 20%.
For a couple of novel ideas for implementing a playoff system, go to this blog on 1/8/10.
1) Only one of the bowl games is meaningful--the BCS championship game. All the other bowl games are mostly meaningless in terms of determining who's #1. In the prior system (pre-BCS), the winner of any of the top-notch bowl games often had a chance at the title. There was all the excitement of players and fans chanting "we're #1"--hopefully--after winning a major bowl game.
The very term BCS--Bowl Championship Series--is a misnomer. There is no "series"--just 4 meaningless games and one championship game. So at the very least it's deceptive advertising
2) The notion that the current system is the best way to accurately determine the best team in the country is an illusion. Many years there are about half-a-dozen teams from major conferences with zero or one loss. And it's rare that there are exactly two unbeaten teams from major conferences. Yet that's the only scenario in which you can fairly claim that the BCS title game in the present system can settle anything definitively: a match-up of the two and only two unbeatens.
Any time you get two one-loss teams meeting in the BCS title game in the current system, most of the other teams that finish with one loss (presumably after winning a bowl game) have a legitimate beef, particularly if they're the team who beat the title game winner earlier in the year.
Even when a one-loss team beats a previously unbeaten team in the current BCS title game, other one-loss teams that weren't on the previously unbeaten team's schedule can claim that they would have beaten them, too, if given the opportunity, particularly if they're the one who beat the title game winner earlier in the year.
Basically, the only way for the BCS title game--without a playoff system--to produce a reasonably undisputed winner is for there to be one and only one undefeated team at the end. The odds of that are fairly low---probably less than 20%.
For a couple of novel ideas for implementing a playoff system, go to this blog on 1/8/10.
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