World Cup Soccer: US Hopes to Tar and Feather British

Dunce Cap Fits BP Well

The huge Dunce Cap placed over the erupting BP (aka British Petroleum) oil well in the Gulf of Mexico has been partially successful. The Dunce Cap is a better fit than anything else BP has tried. That said, the wound is still hemorrhaging.

Enter: World Cup Soccer--US Hopes to Tar and Feather the British in Showdown Saturday.

The British are heavy favorites, having more internationally experienced players. But the Americans have youth and enthusiasm on their side.

The US also has a history of surprising victories over the Redcoats--such as the stunning 1950 win by a score of 1-0.

On top of that, the US will be playing with the anger of a nation behind them. This, of course, is because of the tremendous devastation wreaked on the US Gulf Coast this spring by British Petroleum's massive Oil Spill.

A US soccer fan says he hopes "that when the American players hit the field they'll run circles around the Brits--make 'em look like they're mired in muck, like all those pelicans of ours."

One fan says that if any other country had spewed-out all of that oil, many Americans would consider it an act of war or terrorism. But this Euro-trashing of the Gulf Coast has been gotten away with. The perpetrators are predominantly White and English-speaking, not like your typical profiled enemy or terrorist.

A fan of the American Tea Party agreed that it would be fun to see the British humiliated in a Revolutionary victory. "People might think that we'd be pro-water-fouling, given our history, but actually we're more pro-waterfowl. The Audubon Society has some very influential chapters in Massachusetts."

Sarah Palin is rumored to have quipped that if she'd ever caught Vladimir Putin drilling for oil off the Alaska Coast, she'd have shot him in the buttocks with a crossbow.
Afterwords
How it turned out: 1-1 tie--a "moral victory" for the USofAers.   The most likely tar & feathering would have been by British fans of their owngoalie who let an easy shot get by him. 

BP Followup
A BP robot has evidently knocked the Dunce Cap off the well head! The company's CEO could not be reached for comment as he was busy unwinding from a nerve-wracking yacht race over the weekend. A BP spokesman said they'd likely try to put the Dunce Cap back on. It was unclear whether the robot, which reportedly had said "Woops, my bad!" would be asked to play any role in the retrofitting.