Using the other f-word (the PG one) to put a goofy spin on language--appropriate for April Foolsters. Call it letting the air out of the tires of tired and pompous speech.
According to most of the top sources generated by search engine Google, the term “fart”--rather than being considered slang or obscene or coarse and vulgar speech--is held up as model of polite society language usage.
If some highly esteemed person--like the pope, the queen, the president were to say it at a public function, there’d be more tittering than outrage.
However, a close analysis of the situation reveals a potential conspiracy by historians and whatnot to cover up the use of this, the ‘other” f-word in literature and the public record of the day as it gets passed down through the generations. It is hoped that deep thinkers will recognize many hidden meanings in these alternative offerings.
So, forthwith, with no more much ados about it, here’s a listing of Famous Historic Quotes-- Unrevised Versions (What they Actually Might Have Said If There Subsequently was a Concerted Effort to Suppress Fart Speech).
I came I saw I farted.
How long to the fart of no return?
To fart or not to fart--that is the question.
All fart one, and one fart all!
Don’t bite off more than you can fart.
Two farts are better than one.
Follow the yellow-brick fart.
The fart in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
The rain in Spain farts mainly on the plane.
A fart, a fart, my kingdom for a fart!
Is a fart still a fart if it has no thorns?
A fart by any other name is still a fart.
If a tree farts in the forest and nobody’s around, does it make a sound?
Speak softly and carry a big fart.
A fart in time saves nine.
He who farts last farts best.
The British are farting! The Britishh are farting!
Is this the fart that launched a thousand ships?
I fart, therefore am.
These are the farts that try men’s souls!
That’s putting the fart before the horse!
UFA! UFA! UFA!
He’s got the fart of a champion!
If man were meant to fart he’d have wings!
A fart, a fart--my kingdom for a fart!
Other Stuff
The San Francisco Farty-niners’ Vaunted Air Attack
Bret Fart Ends Retirement Again.
The site of Custer’s last fart
The Fart Nouveau Movement
The Signing of the Magna Farta
Graduated Magna Cum Farty
The Endangered Farts Act
No Farting Zone
Handicapped Farting Only
When E.F. Hutton farts, people listen.
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